Over-estimated, Under-rated

Ok so the more I read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," by Steve Harvey, the more I feel like I have always (kinda sorta) understood the male species. As I continue to turn pages I realize how simple their needs are and how easy it could be to please both them and myself.

Ladies it dawned on me as I flipped through the pages that our problem is not that we don't understand the men in our lives or the men that we would like to be in our lives, but instead two things: we over analyze/complicate things and we under estimate the value of our own common sense.

First we make things too complex by thinking that men think the same way we do. They don't. Plain and simple, their thought process is much less complicated than ours. We find ways to make things difficult.

We (women) need to get to the point, be direct without being rough. For example if you like a man to be prompt and call when he says he's going to, you could say "I put forth the effort to do what I say, so if I say I'll be there at 7pm then I do whatever it takes to be there on time if not earlier." Instead of saying "I hate waiting on people," Get it!?

If you're laughing it's because you're guilty of being harshly blunt. I know this is something I have done myself, so I can't pass any judgements. Everything is easier to digest when its dipped in sugar. Its just like when you're getting ready to go out with friends and one of them has on an outfit that isn't flattering on her frame, you don't say "you look a mess" but instead you say "do you have a shirt that looks like..." its all about finesse!

We constantly say how we just want these men to be upfront with us, but a lot of the time we're not upfront with them....not the way we expect them to be with us. If we want them to do something we expect them to just know what we need, but DUH! They aren't mind readers they don't know unless we tell them.

I have come to realize two things that we teach people how to treat us and that men will be what we tell them we think they are. If you begin a relationship and your significant other is mean and talks down to you then that's how they will always talk to you, until you decide to check their behavior. If you are constantly telling someone that they are a liar, then that's the role they'll play; since you already think they're lying they will. Sad but true.

Wrap your mind around this and let me know what you think...I'll be waiting!

"Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

So I've started reading the New York Times Bestseller, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by King of Comedy comedian Steve Harvey; and it's really a trip. I must admit that Steve has given me a few interesting things to think about and of course to blog about.

There's a chapter in the book called "The Three P's: Profess, Protect and Provide" allow to me explain (briefly). Steve said that real men who really love you will do the following, Profess what you are to them, protect you and provide for you.

After reading this I can say that things are making a little more sense than they did before. If a man loves you and your important to him then he will make sure to introduce you with a title and he'll make sure that everyone one who is important to him knows that you're his girl, boo, baby mama or friend. He goes on to say that if he introduces you as his friend that make no mistakes about it, you are nothing more than just his friend and more than likely you won't advance in his world.

Obviously we (women) expect our men to protect us, keep us safe from hurt or harm or danger, in other words we expect them to be faster than a speeding bullet, beat up the bad guys, hold our hands when we're scared and cuddle up with us at night to be our teddy bear. But how can we expect him to take care of us when we fail to see that he may have fears of his own, are we willing to be the same super hero that we expect them to be?

Lastly Harvey talks about the mans need to be the provider and be acknowledged by his lady for doing so. A real man won't give you the change after he's gone on a shopping spree, but instead make sure that he has all the bills paid, food in the house, gas in the car clothes on every one's back and then he'll use whatever is left to treat you and himself. (good point)

There are too many men shying away from their responsibility and we as women are letting them. We make excuses for them and they make excuses for themselves, it gets old and tiring relatively fast. Where are all the real men in the world? And why do we have to hunt so hard to find you? Come out of hiding and claim some of these real women, who are willing to be Wonder Woman to you, to stand beside you and love on you something serious.

"If you have a man who is willing to do these three things for you, trust me, he's all in."

Force of Nature

Letting go is the hardest part of having a relationship. Moving on and forward can some times seem impossible, especially when you weren't the one ready to put an end to things in the first place.

How come no one tells us that love is all good until its time to come down from the high it gives?

We have our lives planned, and think that we will find some one, they'll sweep us off our feet, we'll get married and ride off into the sunset together. And when things don't work like that it almost puts us in a catatonic trance, a coma if you will.

Why is it that we keep ourselves from feeling what we need to feel, in order to move on? Why do our friends try to take our minds off of the emotions that we need to feel that are apart of the "grieving" process; because that's what a break up is-the death of one part of our lives-isn't it? What's wrong with being just a little sad for a little while?

Sometimes love seems timeless and all I can do think of how this person has changed my life, how he has showed me how incredibly strong, overwhelmingly vulnerable I am and how loyal my love can be. I catch my self having to defend my feelings to friends and family which seems dumb. It is. I am a grown woman and I feel sorry for any other woman who has not had the opportunity to love this deep, to this magnitude, with this much sincerity.

I wish I knew what it was that kept my mind constantly on him, even when I'm not in the wrong, when I'm innocent, and things are just flat out bad...I love him. Even though I don't know what he's thinking, or doing, I still catch my thoughts running off track, and him running on the same one. His aura has some type of pull on me. Maybe what I am feeling is unnatural, because when you think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, the love I feel is bordering un-healthy. I would do anything for him, he is my friend, and at this point I could careless that people will judge what I'm feeling and how I choose to express my feelings but oh well! No matter what anyone says I refuse to believe that he doesn't think of me like I think of him...

This man is a force of nature, nothing to be reckoned with. Loving him is a typhoon- a total disaster- but a beautiful one. I love this man...and I can't stop....he's like a force of nature

Pretty Wings

Life for me is changing so much lately, as many thoughts and ideas cross my mind I realize that love is a lot like "Redbull" (yes, the energy drink) it gives us wings. But what those colorful commercials fail to show us is how those wings seem to wear off when love is fading fast. As you all know I'm a music lover, and lately I've been listening to the new Maxwell single "Pretty Wings" and every word of this song reigns true to the effects of love and love lost.

If hind sight is 20/20, and love is a fleeting feeling, then where does that leave us, who does that make us?

Maxwell says "I had to set you free, a way for me to see clearly, the way that love can be when you are not with me, I had to leave...if I can't have you, let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around."

We often take lovers and relationships for granted thinking that they'll be there, waiting in the wings until we need them. We tell each other how our love is unconditional and steadfast. But in all honestly how many of us really mean this or even know what it is to love at this level? Very few. We forgive when its convenient, we love when the we feel like it and give up when the going gets tough.

But what happens when our love is morphed into something we no longer recognize, and we begin to dislike the person we've become?

Things happen in relationships that we aren't proud of, that we wish we could take back in an instant, we lie, we hurt each other in ways that some one we call a friend would be incapable of, we cuddle with and tell each other how much we love each other and then in a moment we treat each other worse than we would treat a stranger.

Someone told me about something called an 80/20 rule...that you shouldn't leave some one who is giving you 80% of themselves for someone who will only give you 2o%. In that case I suppose no one ever REALLY gives 100% of themselves.

"I came wrong, you were right, transformed your love into light, baby believe me I'm sorry I told you lies...I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days...I miss you more and more."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we need to take a step back to re-evaluate the situation/relationship in order to take a step forward. Think about that...

Daisy of Love???

So the other day I was flipping through the channels and of course there was nothing on t.v. so I ended up settling on VH1's "Daisy of Love." I know this is not my normal kind of blog but I can't help myself.


After the show "Flavor of Love" we've become addicted to watching these inevitable train wrecks that are sad excuses for quality t.v. shows, and sadly "Daisy of Love" is no different.

In the past 5 or 6 years VH1 has lost their minds and so have we, but at least there were decent actors who could remotely fool us into thinking that they liked, and could potentially love Flavor Flav, Bret Michael's, New York and Real and Chance, but Daisy is the worst of them all. As I watched I saw her go into a fit because one of her guys decided he wanted to go home, yet; with all the plastic surgery she's had done to her face instead of looking like a human being crying she looked like a frightened wildebeest. I hate to be so harsh but man...I was a little scared.

What's even more disturbing is that her cry was completely unconvincing. These are clearly semi-scripted shows, with very little reality involved and some of the worst "actors" the country has to offer.

It saddens me to see that we have no problem watching other peoples love lives or lack there of like it and even more so to know that there is nothing else on t.v. that will keep us entertained. This show shouldn't be called "Daisy of Love" but instead Rotten Flower of a Joke.