Love Limbo

We've all heard of what Limbo is...for those who haven't, Limbo is the place where the soul was said to go when after death. If the family paid enough money and prayed hard, you're soul would go to heaven. But; while waiting on family to pay admittance into the pearly gates, you waited in Limbo, the weigh station between heaven and hell! Now with that lengthy explanation out of the way: What do you do when your relationship goes into "Love Limbo"?

After a certain amount of time being spent learning and loving each other we come to a point of complacency. Where we're either so comfortable or so miserable that we are unable to move forward. How do we get to this point, but more importantly how do we get out of this zombie like state? Is it a bad thing to be so comfortable with some one? How do you know when you're in Love Limbo?

Since when did complacency become the norm in relationships? In most cases people are un-happy but unable to cut loose for one reason: security! Even though the thought of loving for security is enough to make you sick, it is a reality. People are scared to death of the unknown, like being single is a fatal abyss that we never recover from. But wouldn't we rather be unattached and happy than be a couple and despondent? When do we make up our minds to love half-heatedly?

Love can be both heaven and hell in the same instance. But how do you know when it's time to step up or step out? Security is an important thing; we unconsciously enter relationships for that feeling alone. Secretly praying for that person to love us enough to allow us to be ourselves and protect us from all that could potentially bring us down. The feeling that we are chasing is nothing short of a miracle. Having a person hold you and you feel safe, kiss you and be intoxicated is a heavenly high that we are eternally in search of.


Limbo can be one of the hardest places to pull a relationship out of. If for nothing else the thought alone will be a full time task. Yet; like the good Dr. Phil says "every relationship needs a hero, are you willing to be that?" Both people in the relationship have to want to save it bad enough to put aside whatever the problem is then figure out what their next move should be. Living in mediocrity should never be an option in love, as some one close to me once said: we should never allow ourselves to settle for what we can get, rather than what we want or deserve.

Pay your way out of purgatory people and decide whether or not to ascend or descend, but for the record hell isn't the place for me, or any where else without some A/C!! ;)

What Does He Really Want??

As I flipped through the pages of my favorite magazine (as I often do). I read an article that claimed to know what men REALLY want in relationships.

The problem with the article was that it left too much to be determined by the reader. How can we accurately give advice about what our men want from us when we as women have no clue? The obvious truth is that we don't always know what we want either.

The reason that this writer thinks that men have such a hard time opening up to us is because we (women) have the tendency to be controlling. When men do get seriously involved they fear losing themselves in the black hole that love can sometimes be. But we have to admit that the thought of loving some one as completely as we would like can be as frightening as a car accident!

But are we afraid of losing ourselves and becoming "Empty" or are we afraid of losing freedoms that we've come accustomed to in our single lives? For the most part we over analyze things to the max, when in reality we already have clear cut ideas of what we (both men and women) want.

We should stop trying to guess what it is that our partner wants from us and instead do the obvious and ASK!

Realistically men want the basics: honesty, patience, friendship, good loving, support, space, togetherness and of course love. Or as my darling put it "men want an understanding best friend minus the nagging."

Or is old saying true, men are from Mars and women are from Venus (because all Goddesses hail from there), or are we really making molehills into mountains?

Well what are you waiting for? Go ask him!

Empty

In recent conversations with myself (don't act like you don't talk to yourself) and others, I've come to realize that in relationships we almost always give a great deal of ourselves and as slip into love sometimes we fall out of who we are.

How is it that we come into relationships knowing full well what we will tolerate, what we can handle, what we need, what we want, what we plan on bringing to the table and most importantly we know who we are. So when exactly do we forget who we are and end up conforming for our lover?

Time after time we tell our friends and family that what we don't want in love and what we refuse to deal with but then when we find "the one" we toss all of that out of the window and become what we think they need and want. How come it's so easy to do away with who we are, and become someone else?

I understand that in relationships we all end up compromising to some extent but where do we draw the line? Who says when enough is enough? And when you change, does your partner change too? How come they don't notice that our love is so deep that we've molded into who we know they dream of?

Relationships are funny like that, they ultimately end up showing us one of two things:that we love ourselves or that we have no idea who we are. Sadly, by the time we end up seeing that we haven't a clue who we are, it's too late. Loving some one completely means giving all of yourself and being able inhale who they are as well.

In rare occasions we stumble across some one that we can relate to so many different ways that we don't realize that we have fallen in love with our better halves. We often fail to notice all the ways that a true love puts a haze over our eyes and in the blink of one, we've fallen in love with our best friend. So it's not all the time that being empty in one way, means we won't be full to the brim in another.

How empty of me...to be so full of YOU?

Say What You Have to Say

Sometimes in relationships we find our selves holding our tongues and not saying what we really NEED to say. Why torture your self any longer? People it is 2008, time to stop keeping it all inside and speak your mind...Say What You Have to Say!

Unless you're dating a psychic there's no way for your lover to know what your thinking. And we all know how easy it is to find those?!


How come we find it so difficult to just open our mouths and speak exactly what we are feeling? And when we do work up the gumption to say what's on our minds how come we have to finagle and finesse our way into it? How come we just can't speak our thoughts clearly, precisely, and compassionately?


It is already hard enough to be forthcoming with our emotions. Trust me I know, but its even harder to tell some else how we feel when we're certain they won't understand. You should know that while you are at home wallowing in misery or upset for whatever reason, your partner is off some where happy, smiling and living their lives with no quips.

No one can know how to make you happy or what bothers you without you telling them. So take whatever avenue you deem necessary to get your point across, write a letter, send an e-mail, a text message or even leave a voicemail. We often assume that people know how we feel; but they don't so you need to be able to give a voice to those thoughts and feelings so that you're not harboring them and driving yourself over a mental cliff.

It's 2008, there is no need to walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Just say what you have to say, speak your piece and trust that you'll feel better once you do (once you speak your mind you have to be able to let it go)!

It's like therapy, but the best kind of there is...the kind that's FREE!!!!!

The Art of Foreplay

While reading one of my favorite magazines and stumbled across an article giving out tips on how to seduce your man and scents that will drive him absolutely bananas! Alright people buckle your seat belt because this ride may get a little bumpy!

The first thing it said was that women should allow ourselves to be seen Au natural for a few minutes before we get close enough to kiss. Now this is something that the majority of women have a problem doing. We are so self-conscious about our bodies and what our men think of us. It's easy to see how an eye full can add more fuel to the fire!

Surprisingly you should know that the smallest compliments are the ones that mean the most.

Now for men, a great way to turn your lady on is to kiss her, slowly. We are affectionate and love the idea of having one of those movie kisses (ladies you know the kind that makes you kick your leg up). Men take your time and kiss us like you mean it.

However; it was shocking to hear that men like to have their "cut lines" licked (a cut line is the line that defines your muscles, like the one that separates your legs from your upper body)? Guys weigh in here and let me know what you think about that, we need to know what you do like?

Smells that entice both men and women alike are the scents of: lavender, chocolate, oysters, peaches and coconut.

Yet, the question still looms: what does it take to turn you on?

This 1's For the Boyz

Recently a friend told me one of the most disturbing stories, I've heard in a long while and you know it's about SEX!!!

Here we are sitting in my living room having a meaningless conversation about nothing at all when she blurts out:"OMG, I just thought about the first time a guy...you know, went down on me" immediately I die of laughter, because I already know this is going to be one for the books! She continues to tell me about the "worst thing that has ever happened to her 'girlfriend' "(that's my word for the female anatomy-work with me here people). And because I'm sure that it's happened to almost every sexually active woman on earth...I decided to share it with you!

So here goes...she said that in her late teens she decided to let an eager boyfriend of the time give her some "special treatment" so she laid down, tried her hardest to relax and just enjoy. Surprisingly he had NO CLUE, as to what he was doing. He gnawed at her "girlfriend" in the worst possible way! Like she was a New York Strip and he hadn't eaten in days. It was horrible!!!

How can we help our lovers to learn to successfully please us? What do you say to encourage them, without offending them to the point where they never want to venture back into our most sensitive area? It's such a touchy subject to approach in a relationship.

Really none of us know how to please each other...we just do what we THINK we would like done to us. We all know how difficult it can be to even muster up enough courage to go "there" with someone, so it's easy to see how these conversations can be misunderstood. I think the best way to tell your partner that you like what's happening in the sack is to talk to them. But if in the rare case that you hate what's going on...be creative in your confession, make a list of your favorite places to be fondled. Be sure to keep the things you don't like off your list, so there's no confusion.

But fellas that area is sensitive on us too, it's not as tough as nails, so teeth probably aren't a good thing! You kind of have to think of it as your favorite candy, when you have your favorite candy you don't want to hurry and gobble it up, you want to savor and taste it. Take your time and play with it, because in reality, it's your toy. You have to play and spend a little time with it to figure out what makes it "tick".

Now boy's I know by now, most of you should be professionals at this, but I'm sure the lady in your life would appreciate the extra attention. I'm sure there's a way for you both to turn her New York Strip into a Fillet Mignon!!!

Love is Undefined

Just when you think you've found some one who makes you smile, some one who puts the joy in your heart and the laughter in your spirit something will go wrong to test that love...its the envitable.

Today's relationships are all about a fast fix, we are accustomed to the "drive-thru" life style...but to our dismay love and life are not like Burger King you can't have everything your way. If even for a minute things go sour, our flight or fight instincts kick in and we're ready to kick out.

What kind of love would make you stay in a situation that seems doomed...I guess I'm asking...WHAT IS LOVE?

How do we know love when we see or feel it? And how come when its knocking down our door we ignore it and crank up the volume on life?

If we are marrying for love then how come when we have it in our hands we're STILL not satisfied? How come when we do actually posess the one thing that is sought out universaly, we aren't holding on to it for dear life?

Why is it that we don't know love until it walks out of our lives? What does it take for us to see what has been right in front of our faces? And when we have a tight clutch on love we're still asking for more? When things seem to be perfect we find a way to complain, becuase too much is never enough. Love takes so much energy, so much work, and way more paitence than we are willing to give. Yet; we expect nothing short of a miracle from our partners.

I think that the kind of love that we are all secretly hoping for is a true fairytale. Secretly we are looking for some one to sweep us off our feet, a lover, a confidant, a spiritual vortex, a mirror...a soul mate! Sadly that will never happen if our first thought is to flee. How do you think our grandparents have been married for 40 and 50 years? They stuck it out and instead of simply just saying to hell with one another, they decided to wait out the storm for a sunny day.

I know there is really no way to define what love really is, on a count of the fact that we all think of love in very different ways. But one thing that I know for sure is that love should be gripping, warm, affectionate, bold, and quiet, promising, patient, understanding, thoughtful, appreciative...and most importantly; true love is unconditional!!!

Love, is too many things to only be defined with a simple noun or verb. Let's just leave it as this, Love is......(fill in the blank)

The Truth, About the Truth

Like every other female in relationships I want to be told the "truth". I want an honest, up-front and forthcoming relationship...or at least that's what I say! So why is it that when placed in situations where we can be totally honest, we end up giving the official "re-mix" of the truth?

How much of the truth should we tell? I've heard over and over that when asking for the truth, we're really asking for something that we don't want. We (women and men) snoop through e-mails, text messages, and call logs just to see what we're secretly hoping isn't there, why? Every one has their reasons for lying in relationships, whether its because we're afraid of how our significant other could react or we're doing something that could bring our relationship to its demise. Either way...we're lying and in some cases without realizing that we are poisoning our relationship.

What most have a hard time understanding, is that when we do tell the truth, how come things don't get any better, how come we're not positively re-enforced for being honest? It almost makes you want to keep lying. Being 100% honest with a person is a hard thing to do, especially if you're afraid of how the person you love is going to respond. It's like telling someone you have herpes and hoping that they're not ready to kill you and tell everyone else...OK so maybe that's not the best example but you get my drift?!?

Honestly, I don't think that anyone REALLY wants to know the truth. I think we just tell ourselves that as a way to ease our minds. You could know a person for your whole life and one thing could change that would make you question your relationship. So even when we THINK we know the truth...we really don't. We only know what that person is allowing us to see; we know their version of the truth. Honesty isn't like walking and talking, it doesn't come natural to the masses, its something that we have to choose to do. We lie to cover up indiscretions, hide bad habits, to push our past even further behind us, to forget, and to keep from hurting the one person we truly love (because if you tell a lie long enough you start to believe it) but in the end the lies don't help, they just perpetuate the problem and make it worse.

You would think that after telling lies on top of lies we would run out of material, we would see the damage being done,but one lie just calls for another lie. And ironically we can't understand why no one believes us...

When you're in a relationship -a serious one at least- you have to trust your lover, your boo, your boy-toy, boyfriend, or husband with your emotions, thoughts and secrets (and loving them enough to be honest could help too). And in return they have to love you enough NOT to use those faults and short-comings against you. Now realistically who do you know that is capable of a love that deep, that will protect your heart after you've bruised theirs...?

And that dear friends is the honest to goodness Truth About the Truth... now, ain't that the truth!!!