I Quit!!

I'm not sure how this is getting easier...

Wait, yes I am. We've done this a few times before. Things are good -great even- you leave, blame me, I'm distraught. You find a way back. Reset.

All of things come into play every few months except this time, I'm not distraught.

Hurt?

Yes. Torn to pieces like a hundred times before; not so much.

Have you ever been hurt so much you're bullet proof? As much as I know I should be hurt and crying I'm really not. I'm numb.

You deserve an Oscar Award. You've made me believe that you'd protect my heart so many times and in the end you choose your heart over mine.

This post isn't about you; it's more so as to how I've allowed myself to become a person who I no longer respect. How can I expect anyone else to respect me if I don't give myself the same credit.

I've seen this movie a time or three too many, and even tho I know the ending I still cry like it was a surprise.

I QUIT (*throws hands up*)!

I hope it feels as good as you expected to win?!

Rolling in the Deep

Well blog-o-sphere, it seems as though I have fallen into a free moment to blab about a little of everything.

Have you ever wondered why people who say they love you do the things they do? Of course you have.

It seems as though each and every time I allow myself to love you completely, let my guard down, believe that you are who you say you will be, you hurt me. You say you love me but your actions say otherwise. You say you love me but you are so quick to leave me, standing alone with no one to blame, but myself for once again thinking that you were going to treat my heart with the delicacy that it deserves.

You played me. Again.

I thought that my heart couldn't survive another heart break, another loss of the same person. I truly don't understand why it's so hard for you to love me. It perplexes me. It makes me feel completely empty. How selfish of me to need you so badly and not care that you may need to be free from me.

I know that the reality is that you keep walking out of my life, and that there is a reason for that. I know that the cosmos wouldn't keep taking you from me if you were really mine. If you were the one.

I believed in my heart that you were going to make this time. I thought for sure THIS time, my heart and love were worth the effort, the arguments, the race. The fight.

It feels as though you are short changing me. I don't want the short end of the stick, I would rather have you.

But like a ton of bricks it hit me.....you don't love me.