Time to Face the Music

I had an epiphany. I am a runner. I run from everything. 

You know when you have time to think about the way your life has been and you start to contemplate all the ways you have made your own life difficult, and have no choice but to get angry with yourself. I am that person. 

If I didn't like a person, place or thing I would just leave. And so far for the last 20 something years it has backfired on me tremendously. One would think that I would have learned by now to just be still and wait instead of always jumping the gun. 

Finally this time, something clicked. I wanted to be still. I know I've said how hectic my life has been over the last few years but, not only that...over the last 2 months things have been increasingly worse. We argued. He doesn't understand me. I don't believe him. He left, I stayed (in a nutshell). Yeah, I know....I STILL can't believe I stayed. 

The days when I think I can make it, are great and then something hits me and turns my temperament the exact opposite direction. I am experiencing a new kind of pain. Growing pains. It excruciating when we outgrow things, it seems as though I've outgrown my self. 

I want to convince myself that I'm strong enough to handle this, that I can really make it through the curve balls that life throws at me, but more and more I'm realizing that I'm not. I feel like the Great Wall of China. Walls so high you can't climb,  still penetrable yet; somehow UNBREAKABLE. 

I'm learning that I'm my worst enemy. The only obstacle is me. I know where I'm weak, strong and where I WON'T be broken. 

Peace and blessings...

Too Many Decisions

This is tiring.
Too many decisions to make.
Nothing solid enough to put anything to the pavement.

My brain is running in circles. Have you even been so stressed out, so angry at something or someone that you can't sleep? The last few years have been crazy. I don't think that I've had a serious good night of sleep in almost 3 years. That's crazy, isn't it?

I know that all the things that have taken place in my world I have to be able to take a some responsibility for because I continuously allow bullshit in my path.

A few days ago I watched Rihanna on Oprah's Next Chapter and I felt like I understood her. I felt like I understood why she never spoke negatively about Chris Brown. She loves him. Rihanna loves and knows that he protected her from something. She definitely played a more aggressive role in their (Rihanna and Chris Brown) falling out.

Its not her fault. Love made her do it. Women are wired so strangely that sometimes we accept poor "service" for what seems to be a valid exchange of love. Loving someone who have given yourself to is not a smart decision.

Time to COMPLETELY let go.  

*shrugs shoulders*

I Call Bullsh*t!

Whoever said that falling in love was easy is a LIAR!

Nothing about love is easy.  As a matter of fact it's a task.  Don't you get tired? It's a never ending circle, an up hill race and half of the time there isn't even a prize at the end. Damn!

When I tell you that I am tired of love, I mean it no-bloody-kidding. I'm tired of giving myself away and  not getting what I feel I need in return. Love seriously sucks. I've been in love with the same man for  six years. Now even though we haven't consistently been in a relationship for those six years, it doesn't matter; I've always considered him to be, mine.

I love him in a way most people my age can't understand, which is both a gift and a curse all at the same damn time.

But the worst part is that, I feel handicapped. I think it's because I think too much about the way I want things to be, how I see other peoples lives and I know this is the wrong way to think but I really can't help it.

I'm at an age, where I want to see my life in motion in a certain way. I want to have a family. I'm ready to settle down and get going on building something with someone who wants to help me carry some of this baggage. I know it's a lot, and I know I have to be selective when I choose him. But hell, I really played myself and thought it was you. You're the same man who makes it a point to go out of your way to be an asshole to me and make sure that I know every negative thought that you have for me. I'm over this bullshit, both yours and mine. This has gotten to be exhausting.

It's hard stepping away from what has been my "norm" for so long and step into a real single life , not knowing what's to come. Needless to say that I've gotten comfortable in my cocoon and I'm afraid to try something new with someone else. Knowing and dealing with what is in front of you is much easier than taking a chance to allow someone else into your life.

This is my security blanket. I looked at with fresh eyes today and saw that it's ben torn to shreds and its being held together by a string. It's time to burn this blanket to the ground (along with photos and other sentimental memorabilia) I'm ready to move on.

This love has definitely taken its toll on me. He's said good bye so many times before. My heart is breaking in front of me and I have no choice, but I won't say good bye any more.  (Maroon 5)



"They say love is in the air, I pray to God I do not suffer."-Lil Wayne

Chapter 1 (cont.)

Kaylnn, walked into her two-story condo, in the heart of downtown Kansas City, Missouri. Union Hill was a desirable neighborhood. It attracted a melting pot of people. It offered a unique night-life of downtown while still holding to suburb characteristics with its brick split-level homes with outdoor spiral staircases, two car garages, large decks and patios, roof-top pools in ultra modern town homes and condos.

As she rounded the entry way into the kitchen Kaylnn was startled by familiar voices coming from the TV. She'd left it on by accident and the Golden Girls were on. She quickly changed clothes, threw a bag of Orville Redenbachers' Kettle Corn in the microwave,  and went to search for her 4 month old short-haired red Cocker Spaniel, Cinnamon.


Just as she sat down to enjoy her popcorn and Golden Girls, the doorbell rang. It had only been a few hours since the bold scene she'd caused in the middle of 31st. Se knew that KCPD would want to know what she had been doing and where she was this afternoon. But she wasn't worried. Kaylnn had already thought that out.

"Hi, how can I help you?" Kaylnn answered the door.

"Hello ma'am, are you Kaylnn Richards? Can we come in for a moment?" A blond female officer said.


Seven Months Ago....

Kaylnn received a 3 dozen long stem roses from Damar, for what she thought was no reason at all. As she read the card, she realized two small things, she wasn't with Damar last night and her name wasn't Tocarra! She'd wanted so desperately to confront the love of her life with the information that she had been provided with clearly by mistake; but for some reason she did not. Kaylnn was smarter than that she'd hold on to this bit of intelligence and she where it took her.

"Hey lover," Kaylnn said as Damar answered the phone.

"Hey love, what's up with you?" Even though she was thoroughly pissed by the flowers she decided to play it cool.

"Not too much, I just got a beautiful bouquet of roses from someone who loves me today." Kaylnn cooed, to see what he would say next.

"Oh really? I wonder who sent those," he laughed "it better not be from any of your frat brothers!"

Unbelievable she thought. He doesn't even sound like he could be caught. This pissed her off even more, but still she played the role. "Well they aren't signed by anyone, so it looks like I have an admirer. Anyway are we still on for dinner tonight?"

"Admirer my ass, the only man I want admiring you is ME!" Damar exclaimed half serious, half joking.

"Whatever boy...I'll see you around 8." She laughed but she knew right then, that shit was about to get real messy with Damar.

No Looking Back (Chap. 1)

Ok world, for years I've thought about being a novelist; I've read hundreds of books by some of the best fiction writers of today. I think I am FINALLY ready to give it a shot. Let me know what you think as I am very interested in your feedback. 

Here goes nothing....

                                    No Looking Back

Chapter 1

Kaylynn walked away from him, knowing that once she got in her car and drove away, she would never feel the same towards Damar. She knew that in every possible way her life and relationship with him would change...if he made it.

The sirens jarred her from her daydream, she jumped into her 13 year old Pontiac Grand AM and did her best to speed away from the chaos that she had brought to an abrupt end, she never wanted to look back, and hopefully she never would. 

Not even 10 minutes before, Kaylnn walked up on Damar's, brand new SUV and put more holes in it than Scarface had in him at the end of that movie. She tucked her baby .380 back in her Louie duffle  and hoped that Damar and that bitch where still inside. She didn't want to kill them but she did want them to hurt as much as they'd hurt her. She wanted them to have a pysical reminder of the pain they caused her.

For the last six years Kaylnn and Damar had been in an unhealthy relationship, cheating, lying, misgivings and misunderstandings were the cornerstones of their courtship. But even though the negatives constantly seemed to out weigh the positives, something had held them captives of their love. 

Kaylynn, was a staff writer for the paper in Kansas City; she loved writing with all her heart and believed that it would take her far in her life. She appreciated knowing that she was able to impact peoples lives through her words, for that reason she was sure to choose them carefully. She and Damar had been college sweethearts. They met one night at a sorority party that she just so happened to stop in on as she was home from Tennessee to visit her family. 

Immediately she was attracted to him; she knew that Damar was something special. He was tall, milk chocolate, perfect teeth, deep waves in his hair and he always made sure that he looked and smelled like a small piece of heaven! From the moment she saw him, she knew she had to have him in her life. Kaylnn loved him on site. 

Before Damar she'd never been one to believe in love at first sight and from now on she would run from the feeling if it ever again came her way. Damar was her dream man, he'd possessed all of the qualities that she had been looking for. For so long she thought she needed him, but not any more.

She pulled into the line at the gas station in downtown Kansas City, and decided that it was now safe to make a call since she was so far away from the wreckage. 

"Hey Granny," she called the only person in the world would tell her the gospel truth, her grandmother. 

"Hey babe how are you today?" 

"Not so good granny, I'm thinking about quitting the paper" 

"Why, I thought you loved working there, isn't that why you spent all that time in college?" She said laughing. 

Kaylnn had spent 6 long years playing around and taking her sweet-time finishing her bachelors degree in journalism. 'Who cares how long it took me' she thought, it was a great time and worth it. 

She laughed "yes Granny, but I don't think that my career is taking off like I want it to. Plus, I think I want to move closer to you and Papa." 

She hated not being able to tell her grandmother the whole reason why she wanted to move out of the city, but she knew it was for the best and that later after everything died down she would be able to confide in her Granny as she'd always had. 

After stopping at the gas station, she went home, to wait on what she was sure to come, a visit from the Kansas City Police Department. 

Just a thought

I love hard. I fall harder. My heart is foolish.

-Serena Williams

I Quit!!

I'm not sure how this is getting easier...

Wait, yes I am. We've done this a few times before. Things are good -great even- you leave, blame me, I'm distraught. You find a way back. Reset.

All of things come into play every few months except this time, I'm not distraught.

Hurt?

Yes. Torn to pieces like a hundred times before; not so much.

Have you ever been hurt so much you're bullet proof? As much as I know I should be hurt and crying I'm really not. I'm numb.

You deserve an Oscar Award. You've made me believe that you'd protect my heart so many times and in the end you choose your heart over mine.

This post isn't about you; it's more so as to how I've allowed myself to become a person who I no longer respect. How can I expect anyone else to respect me if I don't give myself the same credit.

I've seen this movie a time or three too many, and even tho I know the ending I still cry like it was a surprise.

I QUIT (*throws hands up*)!

I hope it feels as good as you expected to win?!

Rolling in the Deep

Well blog-o-sphere, it seems as though I have fallen into a free moment to blab about a little of everything.

Have you ever wondered why people who say they love you do the things they do? Of course you have.

It seems as though each and every time I allow myself to love you completely, let my guard down, believe that you are who you say you will be, you hurt me. You say you love me but your actions say otherwise. You say you love me but you are so quick to leave me, standing alone with no one to blame, but myself for once again thinking that you were going to treat my heart with the delicacy that it deserves.

You played me. Again.

I thought that my heart couldn't survive another heart break, another loss of the same person. I truly don't understand why it's so hard for you to love me. It perplexes me. It makes me feel completely empty. How selfish of me to need you so badly and not care that you may need to be free from me.

I know that the reality is that you keep walking out of my life, and that there is a reason for that. I know that the cosmos wouldn't keep taking you from me if you were really mine. If you were the one.

I believed in my heart that you were going to make this time. I thought for sure THIS time, my heart and love were worth the effort, the arguments, the race. The fight.

It feels as though you are short changing me. I don't want the short end of the stick, I would rather have you.

But like a ton of bricks it hit me.....you don't love me.

Far Away

Before I saw the video for Marsha Ambrosious' song "Far Away" it held a very different meaning for me. The video depicts two gay men and the loss that is felt after one dies from suicide. But for me the song made me think of a love lost.

I think of how great love can be at first but begin to wither as time and circumstance come into play. I wonder how we end up staying in relationships that are wrong but with the right person? Ever think about that? How is it that we love someone and in the beginning they seem so right for us but after time and a few bad arguments and situations we realize we need to leave but can't?

A friend told me the other day that some times we're so damages and dysfunctional that we can't be in a functional relationship. Is that true? Can we be so ruined by a love so deep that we are unable to participate in a positive and healthy relationship?

I hate when people say "the heart wants what the heart wants." DUH!! Our hearts speak to us from a place of solitude and sincerity. So of course it has the ability to convince our minds that its desires are genuine, true and logical but that's not always the case.

Loving in any capacity has taken its toll on me, the person I am and who I desire to be...I think I need a time out!

Dumb Boys

Love this song!!

Too cute and funny...I love it!!

Shea Rose, check her out world!!

http://www.wix.com/detroit06/shea-2010

The Break-Up song

What do you think about this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cnuWY-Al9A

Know Your Role

Question: Is it common to have an audience when you're in a relationship? Do we know when to close out curtains and keep the neighbors out?

Answer:

For the most part we have a hard time keeping our business to ourselves. Relationships have so many problems. And it can seem like even more when we have invited too many people into what should remain between two people.

When we bring all the extra people into our relationship, we are asking for friends to give their opinions and tell us what they think about a certain situation we give them permission to tell us what they "THINK" they would do if ever in our situation.

The reality is that there is a difference between advice and an opinion and since I don't want to give you any false information, I looked up the two in the dictionary.

Opinion: is a view, judgement or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter.

Advice: a recommendation regarding a decision or a course of conduct.

See...told you there is a difference.

What we need is advice from friends. What we don't need is what you think, or your judgement (opinions).

Friends (and I'm going to say this as nice as possible) need to learn to play their role when it comes to relationships. Say we have a friend named Katie, and Katie is mad at her boyfriend. Your role here as her friend is to be mad WITH her for as long as she needs you to be, and when she's over it and happy with the boyfriend again you push that incident to the back of your mind and be happy that she's happy.

Our role as friends is to be the supporting actress/actor when it comes to getting involved in our friends relationships and quarrels. Now unless our friends are being put in danger we should learn to play that role better than Denzel or Halle'.

I hope that wasn't condescending...if it was I'm sorry, but its the truth!

I'm Not Scared...Am I?

I know its been a while since I've written to you, but I guess I've been sorting through a lot of feelings and thoughts.

I'm curious as to what you REALLY think about love? Is it really worth all the trouble?

Love makes me feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and feeling foolish all the while.

Am I silly for loving this hard, this deep? I wonder if we are putting ourselves through all this for nothing. If love is real then where is the payoff, and when do I get mine?

"Everyone falls, you just be careful of falling and staying there..." is that what we do when we fall out of love? Are we in a rut? I understand that love is a mutual thing or should be at least but how come when we give in to love, it feels like we end up loosing? Who is the referee and why hasn't he blown the whistle yet? I call foul, charge or something!!

Have you ever given so much that there's nothing left over for you? People we are being taken for fools in this love game! I'm not saying give up on love but instead wake up and see it for what it is...a ploy to get us to open up, be giving, forgiving and understanding, patient, supportive and even after all that there is no guarantee.

Are we going to be afraid to love the next time love comes knocking at our door, and if it does come back how will you react? Will you do all the things that you've done in this one?

"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears...but I'm scared of loving you," is this really what its come to?

Love is a risk that I wish there was insurance for...hmmm how much does it cost to fix a broken heart?

Mixed Signal=Traffic Jam

Lately I've been hearing a lot about people sending mixed signals in relationships and to be honest it seems to me that the main reason for the confusion is that people are unable to clearly communicate their thoughts and feelings.

The other day, a good friend told me that "communication rules the nation," now as cheesy as that sounds, it's true. How can we be involved with some one and not know how to explain how we feel. Mixed signals are problematic, obviously because they are difficult to interpret.

Often times we find ourselves getting mentally tongue tied making it harder to articulate how we feel. More so, I think that when we get this way it's from one of three things: we're not sure how we feel, don't want to hurt feelings or we're playing games. I hate to be crass but these are the only real reasons for an emotional mix up.

For example if you're not sure of your own feelings, the safest thing to do is to let the other person know what's on your mind. Clamming-up isn't an form of expression, but quite the opposite. When you're fighting an emotional battle within your self, you don't suffer, your lover does. Only because they can't read you.

Secondly, we send mixed signals because we think that it's the best way to save face, keep from being the "bad" guy, and let the person down easily. It's not. Be an adult and flat out tell them that your not interested and keep it moving.

Lastly, people send mixed signals because they are playing games. Common courtesy says that you treat people the way you want to be treated. If you don't want any one to play with your heart, and constantly yo-yo-ing your heart back and forth then do them a favor and let them go...sometimes I think we hold on to people because we want them, but just not yet. You want them to be there when you're ready to settle down. Life doesn't work like that. It's not fair to hold some one an emotional hostage until you're ready to be what they need you to be. In the end you'll only make them bitter toward you.

I'll leave you with this: if mixed signals cause traffic jams on the streets, doesn't it stand to reason that they would do the same in your life? Be clear, mean what you say and say what you mean. Mixed signals=Traffic Jams

Over-estimated, Under-rated

Ok so the more I read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," by Steve Harvey, the more I feel like I have always (kinda sorta) understood the male species. As I continue to turn pages I realize how simple their needs are and how easy it could be to please both them and myself.

Ladies it dawned on me as I flipped through the pages that our problem is not that we don't understand the men in our lives or the men that we would like to be in our lives, but instead two things: we over analyze/complicate things and we under estimate the value of our own common sense.

First we make things too complex by thinking that men think the same way we do. They don't. Plain and simple, their thought process is much less complicated than ours. We find ways to make things difficult.

We (women) need to get to the point, be direct without being rough. For example if you like a man to be prompt and call when he says he's going to, you could say "I put forth the effort to do what I say, so if I say I'll be there at 7pm then I do whatever it takes to be there on time if not earlier." Instead of saying "I hate waiting on people," Get it!?

If you're laughing it's because you're guilty of being harshly blunt. I know this is something I have done myself, so I can't pass any judgements. Everything is easier to digest when its dipped in sugar. Its just like when you're getting ready to go out with friends and one of them has on an outfit that isn't flattering on her frame, you don't say "you look a mess" but instead you say "do you have a shirt that looks like..." its all about finesse!

We constantly say how we just want these men to be upfront with us, but a lot of the time we're not upfront with them....not the way we expect them to be with us. If we want them to do something we expect them to just know what we need, but DUH! They aren't mind readers they don't know unless we tell them.

I have come to realize two things that we teach people how to treat us and that men will be what we tell them we think they are. If you begin a relationship and your significant other is mean and talks down to you then that's how they will always talk to you, until you decide to check their behavior. If you are constantly telling someone that they are a liar, then that's the role they'll play; since you already think they're lying they will. Sad but true.

Wrap your mind around this and let me know what you think...I'll be waiting!

"Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

So I've started reading the New York Times Bestseller, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by King of Comedy comedian Steve Harvey; and it's really a trip. I must admit that Steve has given me a few interesting things to think about and of course to blog about.

There's a chapter in the book called "The Three P's: Profess, Protect and Provide" allow to me explain (briefly). Steve said that real men who really love you will do the following, Profess what you are to them, protect you and provide for you.

After reading this I can say that things are making a little more sense than they did before. If a man loves you and your important to him then he will make sure to introduce you with a title and he'll make sure that everyone one who is important to him knows that you're his girl, boo, baby mama or friend. He goes on to say that if he introduces you as his friend that make no mistakes about it, you are nothing more than just his friend and more than likely you won't advance in his world.

Obviously we (women) expect our men to protect us, keep us safe from hurt or harm or danger, in other words we expect them to be faster than a speeding bullet, beat up the bad guys, hold our hands when we're scared and cuddle up with us at night to be our teddy bear. But how can we expect him to take care of us when we fail to see that he may have fears of his own, are we willing to be the same super hero that we expect them to be?

Lastly Harvey talks about the mans need to be the provider and be acknowledged by his lady for doing so. A real man won't give you the change after he's gone on a shopping spree, but instead make sure that he has all the bills paid, food in the house, gas in the car clothes on every one's back and then he'll use whatever is left to treat you and himself. (good point)

There are too many men shying away from their responsibility and we as women are letting them. We make excuses for them and they make excuses for themselves, it gets old and tiring relatively fast. Where are all the real men in the world? And why do we have to hunt so hard to find you? Come out of hiding and claim some of these real women, who are willing to be Wonder Woman to you, to stand beside you and love on you something serious.

"If you have a man who is willing to do these three things for you, trust me, he's all in."

Force of Nature

Letting go is the hardest part of having a relationship. Moving on and forward can some times seem impossible, especially when you weren't the one ready to put an end to things in the first place.

How come no one tells us that love is all good until its time to come down from the high it gives?

We have our lives planned, and think that we will find some one, they'll sweep us off our feet, we'll get married and ride off into the sunset together. And when things don't work like that it almost puts us in a catatonic trance, a coma if you will.

Why is it that we keep ourselves from feeling what we need to feel, in order to move on? Why do our friends try to take our minds off of the emotions that we need to feel that are apart of the "grieving" process; because that's what a break up is-the death of one part of our lives-isn't it? What's wrong with being just a little sad for a little while?

Sometimes love seems timeless and all I can do think of how this person has changed my life, how he has showed me how incredibly strong, overwhelmingly vulnerable I am and how loyal my love can be. I catch my self having to defend my feelings to friends and family which seems dumb. It is. I am a grown woman and I feel sorry for any other woman who has not had the opportunity to love this deep, to this magnitude, with this much sincerity.

I wish I knew what it was that kept my mind constantly on him, even when I'm not in the wrong, when I'm innocent, and things are just flat out bad...I love him. Even though I don't know what he's thinking, or doing, I still catch my thoughts running off track, and him running on the same one. His aura has some type of pull on me. Maybe what I am feeling is unnatural, because when you think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, the love I feel is bordering un-healthy. I would do anything for him, he is my friend, and at this point I could careless that people will judge what I'm feeling and how I choose to express my feelings but oh well! No matter what anyone says I refuse to believe that he doesn't think of me like I think of him...

This man is a force of nature, nothing to be reckoned with. Loving him is a typhoon- a total disaster- but a beautiful one. I love this man...and I can't stop....he's like a force of nature

Pretty Wings

Life for me is changing so much lately, as many thoughts and ideas cross my mind I realize that love is a lot like "Redbull" (yes, the energy drink) it gives us wings. But what those colorful commercials fail to show us is how those wings seem to wear off when love is fading fast. As you all know I'm a music lover, and lately I've been listening to the new Maxwell single "Pretty Wings" and every word of this song reigns true to the effects of love and love lost.

If hind sight is 20/20, and love is a fleeting feeling, then where does that leave us, who does that make us?

Maxwell says "I had to set you free, a way for me to see clearly, the way that love can be when you are not with me, I had to leave...if I can't have you, let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around."

We often take lovers and relationships for granted thinking that they'll be there, waiting in the wings until we need them. We tell each other how our love is unconditional and steadfast. But in all honestly how many of us really mean this or even know what it is to love at this level? Very few. We forgive when its convenient, we love when the we feel like it and give up when the going gets tough.

But what happens when our love is morphed into something we no longer recognize, and we begin to dislike the person we've become?

Things happen in relationships that we aren't proud of, that we wish we could take back in an instant, we lie, we hurt each other in ways that some one we call a friend would be incapable of, we cuddle with and tell each other how much we love each other and then in a moment we treat each other worse than we would treat a stranger.

Someone told me about something called an 80/20 rule...that you shouldn't leave some one who is giving you 80% of themselves for someone who will only give you 2o%. In that case I suppose no one ever REALLY gives 100% of themselves.

"I came wrong, you were right, transformed your love into light, baby believe me I'm sorry I told you lies...I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days...I miss you more and more."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we need to take a step back to re-evaluate the situation/relationship in order to take a step forward. Think about that...

Daisy of Love???

So the other day I was flipping through the channels and of course there was nothing on t.v. so I ended up settling on VH1's "Daisy of Love." I know this is not my normal kind of blog but I can't help myself.


After the show "Flavor of Love" we've become addicted to watching these inevitable train wrecks that are sad excuses for quality t.v. shows, and sadly "Daisy of Love" is no different.

In the past 5 or 6 years VH1 has lost their minds and so have we, but at least there were decent actors who could remotely fool us into thinking that they liked, and could potentially love Flavor Flav, Bret Michael's, New York and Real and Chance, but Daisy is the worst of them all. As I watched I saw her go into a fit because one of her guys decided he wanted to go home, yet; with all the plastic surgery she's had done to her face instead of looking like a human being crying she looked like a frightened wildebeest. I hate to be so harsh but man...I was a little scared.

What's even more disturbing is that her cry was completely unconvincing. These are clearly semi-scripted shows, with very little reality involved and some of the worst "actors" the country has to offer.

It saddens me to see that we have no problem watching other peoples love lives or lack there of like it and even more so to know that there is nothing else on t.v. that will keep us entertained. This show shouldn't be called "Daisy of Love" but instead Rotten Flower of a Joke.

Better to have Loved....?

Lately I've been hearing people say "it's better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all," but is that really true? Is it better to have gotten involved with some one, become emotionally attached to them, comfortable with them and love them only to watch it fall apart?

Honestly; I'm torn. I'm a firm believer in love and all that it comes with, except when I think about how the pains of a love gone wrong are or can be too much to bear. I begin to think that it's not worth it at all. In relationships we give all we have (if you're like me you do) putting your everything into some one else's happiness and then when the relationship goes sour we're left with a void in our hearts the size of the Grand Canyon!

What are we supposed to do then? I'm learning that love is a fleeting feeling that we can only hope to hold on to. Strangely enough when we're in love we have blinders on and can only see what our hearts tell us to, nothing more or less. Only taking notice of the things that make us happy in the relationship and loving being able to make our men (or women) happy. Love makes us see through rose colored lenses, but when it's over and done should we be happy to have had to experience or angry that we got so involved?

Loving, (the right way) makes us feel like we're floating, it's a high that we get addicted to like crack coursing through our veins. We depend on our boyfriend or girlfriend to supply us with something without a face or a name, but something only they can unleash. And when its gone we go through the same levels of with drawl as recovering addicts.

I think as humans we are all looking for love in some form or another. Searching for the one thing within someone else that makes us feel complete, special, desirable and of course loved. But I'm sure that the dreaded fall from "cloud 9" is something we can all do with out.

They say hind sight is 20/20, and I believe in that 100%. I can't say whether or not I think its better to have loved and known of those feelings, than to go a life time in search of them. Love puts us in a drug induced trance, and all we're guilty of is constantly chasing the high..."It's funny when you're coming in first, but you hope that it lasts" think about it.