I'm Not Scared...Am I?

I know its been a while since I've written to you, but I guess I've been sorting through a lot of feelings and thoughts.

I'm curious as to what you REALLY think about love? Is it really worth all the trouble?

Love makes me feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and feeling foolish all the while.

Am I silly for loving this hard, this deep? I wonder if we are putting ourselves through all this for nothing. If love is real then where is the payoff, and when do I get mine?

"Everyone falls, you just be careful of falling and staying there..." is that what we do when we fall out of love? Are we in a rut? I understand that love is a mutual thing or should be at least but how come when we give in to love, it feels like we end up loosing? Who is the referee and why hasn't he blown the whistle yet? I call foul, charge or something!!

Have you ever given so much that there's nothing left over for you? People we are being taken for fools in this love game! I'm not saying give up on love but instead wake up and see it for what it is...a ploy to get us to open up, be giving, forgiving and understanding, patient, supportive and even after all that there is no guarantee.

Are we going to be afraid to love the next time love comes knocking at our door, and if it does come back how will you react? Will you do all the things that you've done in this one?

"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears...but I'm scared of loving you," is this really what its come to?

Love is a risk that I wish there was insurance for...hmmm how much does it cost to fix a broken heart?

It's a Thin Line

When people say it's a "thin line between love and hate" they may as well have said that there's an invisible line that's crossed and once it's crossed it feel like you took an Olympic sized leap to get there.

Why is that love and hate go hand in hand? What makes us love so hard and deep and then when the tables turn what morphs that love into a seething, rooted, blood-boiling hatred for our used to be lover?

Love is a funny thing, we know that it's supposed to be patient, kind and all that but when does it go from that cloud 9 feeling to mean and spitefulness that seem to take you to the pits of hades (sorry to be so dramatic) but that's how it feels sometimes, right? I guess what I'm trying to ask is why love morphs into its complete opposite without any apparent warning and why is the feeling so intense?

How are we supposed to handle this? Do we remain calm, not do anything, ignoring the problem and feeling in hopes that things will just vanish? Or do we pull a "Jazmin Sullivan" and bust the windows out of their car? Now readers I'm not advising anyone to do anything stupid like actually busting the windows out of some one's car -you will go to jail for that- but we've all heard the song and at times it seems like the right/easiest thing to do.

Love and hate automatically bring out the best and worst in us. Forcing us to go from blissful feelings to being insensitive, uncaring, and down right hurtful. But if ever at any point we loved that person in any way, shape or form, we shouldn't want to hurt them or see them suffer, that's simply our own inner pain, guilt or anger manifesting into life. Isn't it something to realize that in most cases love doesn't rule us the way we think it does, but instead that the anger festering deep within us is what drives us when things don't go our way.

Things we never thought we'd do, say or thought would/could happen to us occur, and we allow them to make us different people. To hurt the ones we know love us and visa versa.

So to say that it's a "thin line between love and hate" almost seems like an understatement. It should really say there's NO line between love and hate, the two happily co-exist until our paths differ and we veer off into the left lane...don't get it? Marinate on it for a while at 350 degrees and if you still come up with nothing leave a comment and let me know so we can talk about it.