Forgive and Forget

Forgive and forget?! Why do people always tell us that? Like its a simple thing to forgive some one for wronging you, hurting your feelings or just plain old letting you down.

Today a friend of mine told me that she didn't understand how I was able to be so forgiving of people. I told her that it's not easy to say you forgive some one, it's a task in its self. It takes practice, love and patience. Often times we forget that loving someone is a risk and in risks we have no real control over what happens. Also we have to be mindful that forgiveness takes forethought.

Trust me, forgiving someone who I KNOW has hurt me is definitely hard to do. But you have to make a conscious choice to forgive and move forward. If someone says their sorry and you say you forgive them; then you have to be done with it, move on and let it go. When you say you forgive its almost like signing a contract between the two of you.

For example: When you make a mistake, and you apologize you are hoping that the other person has enough compassion to whole-heartedly forgive you and be able to move forward. So when your lover (or any other person for that matter) does you wrong accept their apology and let it go. Again, I have to say that you don't have to forget about what happened but if they say their sorry find it in your self to (I hate to say this but) "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," and forgive them.

Forgiving means that you aren't constantly bringing up the incident, reminding them of how they hurt you, or trying to make them feel bad about what they did. It means pushing it to the back of your mind, doing your best NOT to remember it and doing your best to LET IT GO! I know this can be as hard as spear fishing but with practice it's not impossible.

It takes a big person to admit they were wrong and an even bigger person to accept that apology and try to re-gain some kind of normalcy in the relationship.

You know I'm an avid Dr.Phil watcher and I believe him when he says that every relationship needs a hero, so put on your colorful tights and tighten your cape!!!

Undecided and Indecisive

After a conversation with my sexy, juicy and emotionally sporadic friend (she made me say that); it has come to my attention that we are all completely spastic!

Brace yourself, this is going to be a long one.

About eight months ago she ended an extremely long relationship with her high school sweetheart and quickly entered into a new whirlwind romance with a man who seemed to sweep her off her feet (as most southern gentlemen do). Almost immediately their new feelings blossomed and she was ready to pick up her life and move to another state to pursue her new found love. He read her thoughts, and seemingly catered to her every romantic whim, things appeared to be going in the right direction for once. She said "I knew what it was like to be a bad relationship and so did he, so neither of us wanted to continue that cycle." After moving herself practically across the country, the two moved in together and things took an awkward turn.

How come we have such high and unreasonable expectations for our lovers and not for our selves? What happens to make us change our minds and move out of the "honeymoon phase" and into a place of indecisiveness and uncertainty? Why aren't we able to make a decision and stick with it long enough to see what the outcome of a situation is?

When we really have time to think about things and reality begins to sink in, we are able to see that we may have been too hasty with our thinking and decision making and could have possibly made a mistake. Often times we are our own worst enemy. We over think, over process and over analyze everything to the max, pushing our emotional capacity to the brim. Love is uncertain and not promising on any level, we say one thing and do another, so in essence there is no way to even to pretend to guess what another person will make us feel for what they would do.

I feel as though we have to know exactly what we want out of love and relationships. (Laughing) Even though the possibility of know what we DO want is out weighed heavily by being certain of what we DON'T want. With that being said what does it take to be completely decided on something? What would make us feel secure enough in our relationship to stay, wait it out and see where our love takes us?

There are so many options in life, that we have problems making decisions; we don't know whether to go left or right, up or down or just go straight down the middle. So how in the heck are we supposed to know if we've made the right decision?

The answer here is simple...there is no right answer. We have to be secure enough to know what we want (or pretend to be), know that love is enough and be willing to take the road less traveled. Knowing everything is not what we REALLY want.

Remember that ignorance is bliss and uncertainty is sometimes the best kind of certain.

This 1's For the Boyz

Recently a friend told me one of the most disturbing stories, I've heard in a long while and you know it's about SEX!!!

Here we are sitting in my living room having a meaningless conversation about nothing at all when she blurts out:"OMG, I just thought about the first time a guy...you know, went down on me" immediately I die of laughter, because I already know this is going to be one for the books! She continues to tell me about the "worst thing that has ever happened to her 'girlfriend' "(that's my word for the female anatomy-work with me here people). And because I'm sure that it's happened to almost every sexually active woman on earth...I decided to share it with you!

So here goes...she said that in her late teens she decided to let an eager boyfriend of the time give her some "special treatment" so she laid down, tried her hardest to relax and just enjoy. Surprisingly he had NO CLUE, as to what he was doing. He gnawed at her "girlfriend" in the worst possible way! Like she was a New York Strip and he hadn't eaten in days. It was horrible!!!

How can we help our lovers to learn to successfully please us? What do you say to encourage them, without offending them to the point where they never want to venture back into our most sensitive area? It's such a touchy subject to approach in a relationship.

Really none of us know how to please each other...we just do what we THINK we would like done to us. We all know how difficult it can be to even muster up enough courage to go "there" with someone, so it's easy to see how these conversations can be misunderstood. I think the best way to tell your partner that you like what's happening in the sack is to talk to them. But if in the rare case that you hate what's going on...be creative in your confession, make a list of your favorite places to be fondled. Be sure to keep the things you don't like off your list, so there's no confusion.

But fellas that area is sensitive on us too, it's not as tough as nails, so teeth probably aren't a good thing! You kind of have to think of it as your favorite candy, when you have your favorite candy you don't want to hurry and gobble it up, you want to savor and taste it. Take your time and play with it, because in reality, it's your toy. You have to play and spend a little time with it to figure out what makes it "tick".

Now boy's I know by now, most of you should be professionals at this, but I'm sure the lady in your life would appreciate the extra attention. I'm sure there's a way for you both to turn her New York Strip into a Fillet Mignon!!!

The Truth, About the Truth

Like every other female in relationships I want to be told the "truth". I want an honest, up-front and forthcoming relationship...or at least that's what I say! So why is it that when placed in situations where we can be totally honest, we end up giving the official "re-mix" of the truth?

How much of the truth should we tell? I've heard over and over that when asking for the truth, we're really asking for something that we don't want. We (women and men) snoop through e-mails, text messages, and call logs just to see what we're secretly hoping isn't there, why? Every one has their reasons for lying in relationships, whether its because we're afraid of how our significant other could react or we're doing something that could bring our relationship to its demise. Either way...we're lying and in some cases without realizing that we are poisoning our relationship.

What most have a hard time understanding, is that when we do tell the truth, how come things don't get any better, how come we're not positively re-enforced for being honest? It almost makes you want to keep lying. Being 100% honest with a person is a hard thing to do, especially if you're afraid of how the person you love is going to respond. It's like telling someone you have herpes and hoping that they're not ready to kill you and tell everyone else...OK so maybe that's not the best example but you get my drift?!?

Honestly, I don't think that anyone REALLY wants to know the truth. I think we just tell ourselves that as a way to ease our minds. You could know a person for your whole life and one thing could change that would make you question your relationship. So even when we THINK we know the truth...we really don't. We only know what that person is allowing us to see; we know their version of the truth. Honesty isn't like walking and talking, it doesn't come natural to the masses, its something that we have to choose to do. We lie to cover up indiscretions, hide bad habits, to push our past even further behind us, to forget, and to keep from hurting the one person we truly love (because if you tell a lie long enough you start to believe it) but in the end the lies don't help, they just perpetuate the problem and make it worse.

You would think that after telling lies on top of lies we would run out of material, we would see the damage being done,but one lie just calls for another lie. And ironically we can't understand why no one believes us...

When you're in a relationship -a serious one at least- you have to trust your lover, your boo, your boy-toy, boyfriend, or husband with your emotions, thoughts and secrets (and loving them enough to be honest could help too). And in return they have to love you enough NOT to use those faults and short-comings against you. Now realistically who do you know that is capable of a love that deep, that will protect your heart after you've bruised theirs...?

And that dear friends is the honest to goodness Truth About the Truth... now, ain't that the truth!!!