Forgive and Forget

Forgive and forget?! Why do people always tell us that? Like its a simple thing to forgive some one for wronging you, hurting your feelings or just plain old letting you down.

Today a friend of mine told me that she didn't understand how I was able to be so forgiving of people. I told her that it's not easy to say you forgive some one, it's a task in its self. It takes practice, love and patience. Often times we forget that loving someone is a risk and in risks we have no real control over what happens. Also we have to be mindful that forgiveness takes forethought.

Trust me, forgiving someone who I KNOW has hurt me is definitely hard to do. But you have to make a conscious choice to forgive and move forward. If someone says their sorry and you say you forgive them; then you have to be done with it, move on and let it go. When you say you forgive its almost like signing a contract between the two of you.

For example: When you make a mistake, and you apologize you are hoping that the other person has enough compassion to whole-heartedly forgive you and be able to move forward. So when your lover (or any other person for that matter) does you wrong accept their apology and let it go. Again, I have to say that you don't have to forget about what happened but if they say their sorry find it in your self to (I hate to say this but) "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," and forgive them.

Forgiving means that you aren't constantly bringing up the incident, reminding them of how they hurt you, or trying to make them feel bad about what they did. It means pushing it to the back of your mind, doing your best NOT to remember it and doing your best to LET IT GO! I know this can be as hard as spear fishing but with practice it's not impossible.

It takes a big person to admit they were wrong and an even bigger person to accept that apology and try to re-gain some kind of normalcy in the relationship.

You know I'm an avid Dr.Phil watcher and I believe him when he says that every relationship needs a hero, so put on your colorful tights and tighten your cape!!!

Undecided and Indecisive

After a conversation with my sexy, juicy and emotionally sporadic friend (she made me say that); it has come to my attention that we are all completely spastic!

Brace yourself, this is going to be a long one.

About eight months ago she ended an extremely long relationship with her high school sweetheart and quickly entered into a new whirlwind romance with a man who seemed to sweep her off her feet (as most southern gentlemen do). Almost immediately their new feelings blossomed and she was ready to pick up her life and move to another state to pursue her new found love. He read her thoughts, and seemingly catered to her every romantic whim, things appeared to be going in the right direction for once. She said "I knew what it was like to be a bad relationship and so did he, so neither of us wanted to continue that cycle." After moving herself practically across the country, the two moved in together and things took an awkward turn.

How come we have such high and unreasonable expectations for our lovers and not for our selves? What happens to make us change our minds and move out of the "honeymoon phase" and into a place of indecisiveness and uncertainty? Why aren't we able to make a decision and stick with it long enough to see what the outcome of a situation is?

When we really have time to think about things and reality begins to sink in, we are able to see that we may have been too hasty with our thinking and decision making and could have possibly made a mistake. Often times we are our own worst enemy. We over think, over process and over analyze everything to the max, pushing our emotional capacity to the brim. Love is uncertain and not promising on any level, we say one thing and do another, so in essence there is no way to even to pretend to guess what another person will make us feel for what they would do.

I feel as though we have to know exactly what we want out of love and relationships. (Laughing) Even though the possibility of know what we DO want is out weighed heavily by being certain of what we DON'T want. With that being said what does it take to be completely decided on something? What would make us feel secure enough in our relationship to stay, wait it out and see where our love takes us?

There are so many options in life, that we have problems making decisions; we don't know whether to go left or right, up or down or just go straight down the middle. So how in the heck are we supposed to know if we've made the right decision?

The answer here is simple...there is no right answer. We have to be secure enough to know what we want (or pretend to be), know that love is enough and be willing to take the road less traveled. Knowing everything is not what we REALLY want.

Remember that ignorance is bliss and uncertainty is sometimes the best kind of certain.