Break up, to Make up

A friend was talking about her relationship, all of the turmoil, ups and downs, waves of happiness and pains of love. As we dived deeper and deeper into conversation, a question came to me: do we argue, fuss and fight, in order to make up?

Do we break up, just to make up? "First you love me, then you hate me...that's a game for fool's," or is it?

Sadly some readers are too young to know who the Stylistics are or the greatness of Al Green but, these guys are making some great points (you really should youtube these guys). All that breaking up to make up is exhausting, and unnecessary. If we love each other so completely then why put one another through so much pain and drama?

Al Green said it best, "why do people break up, turn around and make up"? Is this our sick way of bringing the spice back into troubled relationships? Or are we doing this to see how deep our partners love is for us? Surely this can't be the way we work through our problems?

What do we do when every other day we're breaking up? How do we keep things feeling light even they can be so heavy?

We tend to run from our problems instead of facing them head on. Leaving a situation won't better it, it just becomes stagnant and if and when you decide to go back it will be just as you left it, in peril.

We have to learn to fight for what we know is solid. Breaking up is just like a Tylenol; it only offers temporary relief. Will we keep leaving every meaningful relationship until we find someone who is willing to put up with us on our terms? No, love is about compromise about bending and working toward a specific goal TOGETHER, what ever that may be.

Break-ups obviously hurt, but we have to learn that in order to get something we have to give something, and in order something to be something we have to endure somethings. We can't build brick houses on sand, there has to be a strong foundation.

With that said my dears, head to the local brick yard and start mapping the layout of your dream houses!!!

Ba-Rock the VOTE!!

Stop reading for a few minutes, find your car keys, get in the car and GO VOTE!!

Regardless of who you vote for, it's your right and privilege!!!

If you don't VOTE, you can't COMPLAIN. VOTE OR DIE...Ba-Rock the VOTE people!!!!

Trading Places

What if women, paid for everything, opened doors, pulled out chairs and totally took on the role of being the man? Would the metro-sexual men of 2008 be able to handle such a lady?

My guess is probably not. Men say they want an independent woman, but, there is a big difference and a fine line, between a woman who is able to take care of herself and one who ends up emasculating her partner.

Ladies, we have a tendency to either be totally independent or completely dependent, sadly we fail to find the middle ground.

It's alright to be independent and pay your own way (Ms.Independent), but we have to be careful not to step on our men's toes. Not to say that we can't or shouldn't split the bill or pay it in full, but to ask any ONE person to pay for everything ALL the time is too much.

There are other ways to trade places with your beau without causing turmoil, but those kinds of things are better handled in the boudoir!

Poetry In the Name of Love

I have decided to post a few poems froma good friend of mine. As they relate to my Goddess Gab, feel free to leave comments and let us know what you think of her work!! Here is the first one by Ms. Britaine Bell

When I Met You
02.12.08

A crush was the feeling at first
Until past lovers faded
And depression vanishedInto timeless moments of conversation
Every hour, every day
Enhanced one’s memory about each other
Expressing evolved emotions
Not only through voice
But, also through sharing endless kisses and hugs
Spending quality time any where thought of
Receiving continuous messages
Acknowledging future passages
Ready to eliminate excessive baggage
Which would determine
The relationship we would soon manage

As our eyes compared
Innocence was portrayed in every stare
Imagining that we could be the perfect pair

Gullible, is how I was perceived
By those of concern
Not realizing skeletons could be hidden
And our attraction would be forbidden
And misleading to the public eye
And I would have to listen to your lies
Which is something we both know I despise
Then, my main focus would be to
Demand you to rid all ties With someone who probably relies
On your presence as much as I…do

But, I refused to accept that point of view
Because “never will I hurt you,” is what you said
Which allowed my feelings to run ahead
Without thinking of any regret

I used to love to listen to your
Voice whisper in my ear
As you held me close
So close, I could hear
Our hearts beat…Our heats beat
So clearI pushed back, out of fear
Because I knew deeper feelings were near
And I couldn’t risk losing anymore tears
Over someone who probably wouldn’t last
At least that’s what I thought
Because I evaluated your past…love
Who, you seem to get over so fast
But, I understood your circumstances
That there just wasn’t any more romance

I can't give you the whole poem, this is just enough to tease your taste buds!


Britaine’ D. Bell

Down Here In Hell

In love we sometimes find ourselves wishing that things were perfect, but, on the odd chance relationships could be perfect, what would we do? If we actually take the time to think about things realistically we would realize that if relationships were perfect what would we complain about, and what would end up being the next level that we take things to?

If love was a blissful heaven, where would that leave us? How would we function? Where would the excitement be? Would there even be any excitement? Or is a love, that is occasionally flawed, a happier situation?

People love it when we make mistakes, so that way they have something to be upset about, they want a reason to complain. Think about how we get mad over almost nothing, how the smallest, pettiest things can set us off, and into a rampage.

If you're old enough to read this then you're old enough to know that relationships won't always exude perfection. We can't control what our lovers do and say, we can only know that they are human and make mistakes, they fall short of our expectations as I'm sure we've fallen short of theirs.

If ever we think of saving ourselves and running for the hills each time something goes wrong, what does that say about our dedication and the feelings that we say we have for each other? (On the one hand we have to admit that it does make perfect sense to want to remove ourselves from a bad situation)

Words without pain would leave us nothing left to say...(not that I agree with this) but is this how we actually think? If he/she loves me then they wouldn't hurt me? The reality is that we aren't intentionally trying to hurt each other (I hope). Love brings things out of us that may have been dormant before. My Grandfather once told me "If you're not crazy, you're not in love" so loving a person makes us do some outlandish things, say what we often don't mean and love in a way that can be overwhelming.

Instead of saving ourselves, think about how dull life was before love and relationships...when we think of saving ourselves, we don't because we know that we'd rather work things out down here in hell with you!

If I Were A Boy

Usually I do my best to keep from male bashing but after listening to the new Beyonce' song I have to agree with her that boys just don't understand, how it feels to be us and the things that we go through to catch their eye and maintain relationships.

If I were a boy, I would do everything I could to keep the one I KNOW loves me by my side and happy. Not saying men should bend over backwards but they should be just as accommodating as they expect us to be.

What makes it OK for men to get away with everything and we just discount it as "boys will be boys"? Double standards are going to be the end of monogamy. Men know they can get away with more, so they do. They stay out late, party all night without calling, give us half-hearted answers and always have an alibi when their story doesn't add up.

Ladies often find themselves trying to mimic they boys, but girls, here is where the problem lies...we have to realize we are not them. We just aren't built that way. Which is why we don't pee standing up.

Beyonce' should make us realize that even though sometimes we think we can go tit-for-tat with the fellas we really can't. Why is it that men can have the most dedicated, loving and supportive woman by their side and still mistreat us? Why can't they see what it takes for us to love so completely?

Men have no idea how much work goes into being us...just getting dressed is a task in its self. Curling irons, moisturizer, make-up, cute shoes, handbags, matching belts, earrings, waxing, plucking, tweezing, shaving, salon's and way too many other things involved in the maintenance of being a women; that most men take for granted. They take it for granted because they just roll out of bed throw on anything, look any kind of way and STILL a woman manages to find them attractive.

She's (Beyonce') right in saying most of the time they don't listen and for the most part they don't understand what it feels like to love selflessly. What does it take for men to love completely, unconditionally and without restriction? The world may never know.

If I were a boy, I would make sure she understood how deep my love ran, try to listen to her desires, be supportive, encouraging, assertive but not overbearing, tell her I love her every chance I got and most importantly try hard to understand that it can not be easy to love some one like me.

But all the ifs in the world wouldn't matter...I'm just a girl!

Ms. Independent

Ladies, ladies, ladies after listening to the new Ne-Yo song "She's Got Her Own" I feel the need to congratulate those of us who are doing our thing. And when I say doing our thing I mean handling your business and taking care of your self. Women who are emotionally stable (because we tend to be erratic), financially sound and working to ensure that we keep things that way.

Even though I KNOW we aren't taking on tasks to please our men, clearly they find it attractive. Being able to take care of your self is a wonderful thing, because it shows him and the world that you're reliable, self-sufficient and that if he needed you, you could come through in a clutch. A woman about her business definitely says a lot. Yet most importantly it says that we have drive, ambition and good sense.

Finally we have a song giving us credit for being what we have always been: the pooh (you know what I mean)! It's good to know that for the first time in a long time we're not being degraded, talked about or called out of our names for the sake of entertainment. But; instead a song that is encouraging and rewarding!

"She got her own thing, that's why I love her..." On a side note, if this is you, your boo loves you because your able to be two things that most men today desire: the loving lady by his side and independent.

So with that said ladies pat your self on the back, hi-five your girls, continue the good work and KEEP being the DIVA's you already are!!

Love Lockdown

A few days ago, my honey told me about a song by Kanye West called "Love Lockdown." The title alone was enough to make me youtube (youtube.com) the song. After listening, the question came to me...do we sub-consciously think of love as prison sentence?

More than likely this is true. Both men and women think it difficult to see love and relationships as a vacation of the heart and soul, instead it is viewed as a term in Sin-Sing! What is that about? What makes us feel love is a prison?

We should be well aware that love is not a choice but, maintaining a relationship most definitely is. It's clear that we have no choice as to who it is we love, when our heart says now then that's it; we can either hit the pavement full speed or lay back, relax and let the cosmos do their thing.

It's understood that love is a powerful emotion, it can end up taking over every aspect of our lives. Loving a person the way we WANT to is just as important as loving them the way they feel they want to be loved. "I'm not loving you, way I wanted to...see I had to go, see I had to move."

He makes good points but, if we lock our love up then what? What is the next emotion? How can you ever have a relationship if you're afraid? No doubt about it, love is a primal feeling, but how can we keep on being who we are and continue to grow with the person that we love? We can't.

The primal calls of love make it so that we grow together, we change together and end up pulling away from the people we were at the start of the relationship, but melting into one person, a team. We don't do this on purpose, it just happens. Love calls, we answer, it's as simple as that.

Relationships are voluntary, love is not. You can't help who you love...you can help how you love. Set your love free, don't lock it down!