Thoughts from the Love Goddess

2011-10-25T07:06:00.001-07:00

Ok world, for years I've thought about being a novelist; I've read hundreds of books by some of the best fiction writers of today. I think I am FINALLY ready to give it a shot. Let me know what you think as I am very interested in your feedback.

Here goes nothing....

No Looking Back

Chapter 1

Kaylynn walked away from him, knowing that once she got in her car and drove away, she would never feel the same towards Damar. She knew that in every possible way her life and relationship with him would change...if he made it.

The sirens jarred her from her daydream, she jumped into her 13 year old Pontiac Grand AM and did her best to speed away from the chaos that she had brought to an abrupt end, she never wanted to look back, and hopefully she never would.

Not even 10 minutes before, Kaylnn walked up on Damar's, brand new SUV and put more holes in it than Scarface had in him at the end of that movie. She tucked her baby .380 back in her Louie duffle and hoped that Damar and that bitch where still inside. She didn't want to kill them but she did want them to hurt as much as they'd hurt her. She wanted them to have a pysical reminder of the pain they caused her.

For the last six years Kaylnn and Damar had been in an unhealthy relationship, cheating, lying, mistrust and misunderstandings were the cornerstones of their courtship. But even though the negatives constantly seemed to out weigh the positives, something had held them captives of their love.

Kaylynn, was a staff writer for the paper in Kansas City; she loved writing with all her heart and believed that it would take her far in her life. She appreciated knowing that she was able to impact peoples lives through her words, for that reason she was sure to choose them carefully. She and Damar had been college sweethearts. They met one night at a sorority party that she just so happened to stop in on as she was home from Tennessee to visit her family.

Immediately she was attracted to him; she knew that Damar was something special. He was tall, milk chocolate, perfect teeth, deep waves in his hair and he always made sure that he looked and smelled like a small piece of heaven! From the moment she saw him, she knew she had to have him in her life. Kaylnn loved him on site.

Before Damar she'd never been one to believe in love at first sight and from now on she would run from the feeling if it ever again came her way. Damar was her dream man, he'd possessed all of the qualities that she had been looking for. For so long she thought she needed him, but not any more.

She pulled into the line at the gas station in downtown Kansas City, and decided that it was now safe to make a call since she was so far away from the wreckage.

"Hey Granny," she called the only person in the world would tell her the gospel truth, her grandmother.

"Hey babe how are you today?"

"Not so good granny, I'm thinking about quitting the paper"

"Why, I thought you loved working there, isn't that why you spent all that time in college?" She said laughing.

Kaylnn had spent 6 long years playing around and taking her sweet-time finishing her bachelors degree in journalism. 'Who cares how long it took me' she thought, it was a great time and worth it.

She laughed "yes Granny, but I don't think that my career is taking off like I want it to. Plus, I think I want to move closer to you and Papa."

She hated not being able to tell her grandmother the whole reason why she wanted to move out of the city, but she knew it was for the best and that later after everything died down she would be able to confide in her Granny as she'd always had.

After stopping at the gas station, she went home, to wait on what she was sure to come, a visit from the Kansas City Police Department.

Just a thought

2011-06-07T21:17:00.001-07:00

I love hard. I fall harder. My heart is foolish.

-Serena Williams

I Quit!!

2011-05-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how this is getting easier...

Wait, yes I am. We've done this a few times before. Things are good -great even- you leave, blame me, I'm distraught. You find a way back. Reset.

All of things come into play every few months except this time, I'm not distraught.

Hurt?

Yes. Torn to pieces like a hundred times before; not so much.

Have you ever been hurt so much you're bullet proof? As much as I know I should be hurt and crying I'm really not. I'm numb.

You deserve an Oscar Award. You've made me believe that you'd protect my heart so many times and in the end you choose your heart over mine.

This post isn't about you; it's more so as to how I've allowed myself to become a person who I no longer respect. How can I expect anyone else to respect me if I don't give myself the same credit.

I've seen this movie a time or three too many, and even tho I know the ending I still cry like it was a surprise.

I QUIT (*throws hands up*)!

I hope it feels as good as you expected to win?!

Rolling in the Deep

2011-05-08T22:20:00.000-07:00

Well blog-o-sphere, it seems as though I have fallen into a free moment to blab about a little of everything.

Have you ever wondered why people who say they love you do the things they do? Of course you have.

It seems as though each and every time I allow myself to love you completely, let my guard down, believe that you are who you say you will be, you hurt me. You say you love me but your actions say otherwise. You say you love me but you are so quick to leave me, standing alone with no one to blame, but myself for once again thinking that you were going to treat my heart with the delicacy that it deserves.

You played me. Again.

I thought that my heart couldn't survive another heart break, another loss of the same person. I truly don't understand why it's so hard for you to love me. It perplexes me. It makes me feel completely empty. How selfish of me to need you so badly and not care that you may need to be free from me.

I know that the reality is that you keep walking out of my life, and that there is a reason for that. I know that the cosmos wouldn't keep taking you from me if you were really mine. If you were the one.

I believed in my heart that you were going to make this time. I thought for sure THIS time, my heart and love were worth the effort, the arguments, the race. The fight.

It feels as though you are short changing me. I don't want the short end of the stick, I would rather have you.

But like a ton of bricks it hit me.....you don't love me.

Far Away

2011-02-23T19:25:00.000-08:00

Before I saw the video for Marsha Ambrosious' song "Far Away" it held a very different meaning for me. The video depicts two gay men and the loss that is felt after one dies from suicide. But for me the song made me think of a love lost.

I think of how great love can be at first but begin to wither as time and circumstance come into play. I wonder how we end up staying in relationships that are wrong but with the right person? Ever think about that? How is it that we love someone and in the beginning they seem so right for us but after time and a few bad arguments and situations we realize we need to leave but can't?

A friend told me the other day that some times we're so damages and dysfunctional that we can't be in a functional relationship. Is that true? Can we be so ruined by a love so deep that we are unable to participate in a positive and healthy relationship?

I hate when people say "the heart wants what the heart wants." DUH!! Our hearts speak to us from a place of solitude and sincerity. So of course it has the ability to convince our minds that its desires are genuine, true and logical but that's not always the case.

Loving in any capacity has taken its toll on me, the person I am and who I desire to be...I think I need a time out!

Dumb Boys

2010-10-11T11:19:00.001-07:00

Love this song!!

Too cute and funny...I love it!!

Shea Rose, check her out world!!

http://www.wix.com/detroit06/shea-2010

The Break-Up song

2010-08-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

What do you think about this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cnuWY-Al9A

Know Your Role

2010-07-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

Question: Is it common to have an audience when you're in a relationship? Do we know when to close out curtains and keep the neighbors out?

Answer:

For the most part we have a hard time keeping our business to ourselves. Relationships have so many problems. And it can seem like even more when we have invited too many people into what should remain between two people.

When we bring all the extra people into our relationship, we are asking for friends to give their opinions and tell us what they think about a certain situation we give them permission to tell us what they "THINK" they would do if ever in our situation.

The reality is that there is a difference between advice and an opinion and since I don't want to give you any false information, I looked up the two in the dictionary.

Opinion: is a view, judgement or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter.

Advice: a recommendation regarding a decision or a course of conduct.

See...told you there is a difference.

What we need is advice from friends. What we don't need is what you think, or your judgement (opinions).

Friends (and I'm going to say this as nice as possible) need to learn to play their role when it comes to relationships. Say we have a friend named Katie, and Katie is mad at her boyfriend. Your role here as her friend is to be mad WITH her for as long as she needs you to be, and when she's over it and happy with the boyfriend again you push that incident to the back of your mind and be happy that she's happy.

Our role as friends is to be the supporting actress/actor when it comes to getting involved in our friends relationships and quarrels. Now unless our friends are being put in danger we should learn to play that role better than Denzel or Halle'.

I hope that wasn't condescending...if it was I'm sorry, but its the truth!

I'm Not Scared...Am I?

2010-03-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

I know its been a while since I've written to you, but I guess I've been sorting through a lot of feelings and thoughts.

I'm curious as to what you REALLY think about love? Is it really worth all the trouble?

Love makes me feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and feeling foolish all the while.

Am I silly for loving this hard, this deep? I wonder if we are putting ourselves through all this for nothing. If love is real then where is the payoff, and when do I get mine?

"Everyone falls, you just be careful of falling and staying there..." is that what we do when we fall out of love? Are we in a rut? I understand that love is a mutual thing or should be at least but how come when we give in to love, it feels like we end up loosing? Who is the referee and why hasn't he blown the whistle yet? I call foul, charge or something!!

Have you ever given so much that there's nothing left over for you? People we are being taken for fools in this love game! I'm not saying give up on love but instead wake up and see it for what it is...a ploy to get us to open up, be giving, forgiving and understanding, patient, supportive and even after all that there is no guarantee.

Are we going to be afraid to love the next time love comes knocking at our door, and if it does come back how will you react? Will you do all the things that you've done in this one?

"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears...but I'm scared of loving you," is this really what its come to?

Love is a risk that I wish there was insurance for...hmmm how much does it cost to fix a broken heart?

Mixed Signal=Traffic Jam

2009-12-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been hearing a lot about people sending mixed signals in relationships and to be honest it seems to me that the main reason for the confusion is that people are unable to clearly communicate their thoughts and feelings.

The other day, a good friend told me that "communication rules the nation," now as cheesy as that sounds, it's true. How can we be involved with some one and not know how to explain how we feel. Mixed signals are problematic, obviously because they are difficult to interpret.

Often times we find ourselves getting mentally tongue tied making it harder to articulate how we feel. More so, I think that when we get this way it's from one of three things: we're not sure how we feel, don't want to hurt feelings or we're playing games. I hate to be crass but these are the only real reasons for an emotional mix up.

For example if you're not sure of your own feelings, the safest thing to do is to let the other person know what's on your mind. Clamming-up isn't an form of expression, but quite the opposite. When you're fighting an emotional battle within your self, you don't suffer, your lover does. Only because they can't read you.

Secondly, we send mixed signals because we think that it's the best way to save face, keep from being the "bad" guy, and let the person down easily. It's not. Be an adult and flat out tell them that your not interested and keep it moving.

Lastly, people send mixed signals because they are playing games. Common courtesy says that you treat people the way you want to be treated. If you don't want any one to play with your heart, and constantly yo-yo-ing your heart back and forth then do them a favor and let them go...sometimes I think we hold on to people because we want them, but just not yet. You want them to be there when you're ready to settle down. Life doesn't work like that. It's not fair to hold some one an emotional hostage until you're ready to be what they need you to be. In the end you'll only make them bitter toward you.

I'll leave you with this: if mixed signals cause traffic jams on the streets, doesn't it stand to reason that they would do the same in your life? Be clear, mean what you say and say what you mean. Mixed signals=Traffic Jams

Over-estimated, Under-rated

2009-11-15T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ok so the more I read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," by Steve Harvey, the more I feel like I have always (kinda sorta) understood the male species. As I continue to turn pages I realize how simple their needs are and how easy it could be to please both them and myself.

Ladies it dawned on me as I flipped through the pages that our problem is not that we don't understand the men in our lives or the men that we would like to be in our lives, but instead two things: we over analyze/complicate things and we under estimate the value of our own common sense.

First we make things too complex by thinking that men think the same way we do. They don't. Plain and simple, their thought process is much less complicated than ours. We find ways to make things difficult.

We (women) need to get to the point, be direct without being rough. For example if you like a man to be prompt and call when he says he's going to, you could say "I put forth the effort to do what I say, so if I say I'll be there at 7pm then I do whatever it takes to be there on time if not earlier." Instead of saying "I hate waiting on people," Get it!?

If you're laughing it's because you're guilty of being harshly blunt. I know this is something I have done myself, so I can't pass any judgements. Everything is easier to digest when its dipped in sugar. Its just like when you're getting ready to go out with friends and one of them has on an outfit that isn't flattering on her frame, you don't say "you look a mess" but instead you say "do you have a shirt that looks like..." its all about finesse!

We constantly say how we just want these men to be upfront with us, but a lot of the time we're not upfront with them....not the way we expect them to be with us. If we want them to do something we expect them to just know what we need, but DUH! They aren't mind readers they don't know unless we tell them.

I have come to realize two things that we teach people how to treat us and that men will be what we tell them we think they are. If you begin a relationship and your significant other is mean and talks down to you then that's how they will always talk to you, until you decide to check their behavior. If you are constantly telling someone that they are a liar, then that's the role they'll play; since you already think they're lying they will. Sad but true.

Wrap your mind around this and let me know what you think...I'll be waiting!

"Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

2009-10-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

So I've started reading the New York Times Bestseller, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by King of Comedy comedian Steve Harvey; and it's really a trip. I must admit that Steve has given me a few interesting things to think about and of course to blog about.

There's a chapter in the book called "The Three P's: Profess, Protect and Provide" allow to me explain (briefly). Steve said that real men who really love you will do the following, Profess what you are to them, protect you and provide for you.

After reading this I can say that things are making a little more sense than they did before. If a man loves you and your important to him then he will make sure to introduce you with a title and he'll make sure that everyone one who is important to him knows that you're his girl, boo, baby mama or friend. He goes on to say that if he introduces you as his friend that make no mistakes about it, you are nothing more than just his friend and more than likely you won't advance in his world.

Obviously we (women) expect our men to protect us, keep us safe from hurt or harm or danger, in other words we expect them to be faster than a speeding bullet, beat up the bad guys, hold our hands when we're scared and cuddle up with us at night to be our teddy bear. But how can we expect him to take care of us when we fail to see that he may have fears of his own, are we willing to be the same super hero that we expect them to be?

Lastly Harvey talks about the mans need to be the provider and be acknowledged by his lady for doing so. A real man won't give you the change after he's gone on a shopping spree, but instead make sure that he has all the bills paid, food in the house, gas in the car clothes on every one's back and then he'll use whatever is left to treat you and himself. (good point)

There are too many men shying away from their responsibility and we as women are letting them. We make excuses for them and they make excuses for themselves, it gets old and tiring relatively fast. Where are all the real men in the world? And why do we have to hunt so hard to find you? Come out of hiding and claim some of these real women, who are willing to be Wonder Woman to you, to stand beside you and love on you something serious.

"If you have a man who is willing to do these three things for you, trust me, he's all in."

Force of Nature

2009-07-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

Letting go is the hardest part of having a relationship. Moving on and forward can some times seem impossible, especially when you weren't the one ready to put an end to things in the first place.

How come no one tells us that love is all good until its time to come down from the high it gives?

We have our lives planned, and think that we will find some one, they'll sweep us off our feet, we'll get married and ride off into the sunset together. And when things don't work like that it almost puts us in a catatonic trance, a coma if you will.

Why is it that we keep ourselves from feeling what we need to feel, in order to move on? Why do our friends try to take our minds off of the emotions that we need to feel that are apart of the "grieving" process; because that's what a break up is-the death of one part of our lives-isn't it? What's wrong with being just a little sad for a little while?

Sometimes love seems timeless and all I can do think of how this person has changed my life, how he has showed me how incredibly strong, overwhelmingly vulnerable I am and how loyal my love can be. I catch my self having to defend my feelings to friends and family which seems dumb. It is. I am a grown woman and I feel sorry for any other woman who has not had the opportunity to love this deep, to this magnitude, with this much sincerity.

I wish I knew what it was that kept my mind constantly on him, even when I'm not in the wrong, when I'm innocent, and things are just flat out bad...I love him. Even though I don't know what he's thinking, or doing, I still catch my thoughts running off track, and him running on the same one. His aura has some type of pull on me. Maybe what I am feeling is unnatural, because when you think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, the love I feel is bordering un-healthy. I would do anything for him, he is my friend, and at this point I could careless that people will judge what I'm feeling and how I choose to express my feelings but oh well! No matter what anyone says I refuse to believe that he doesn't think of me like I think of him...

This man is a force of nature, nothing to be reckoned with. Loving him is a typhoon- a total disaster- but a beautiful one. I love this man...and I can't stop....he's like a force of nature

Pretty Wings

2009-07-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

Life for me is changing so much lately, as many thoughts and ideas cross my mind I realize that love is a lot like "Redbull" (yes, the energy drink) it gives us wings. But what those colorful commercials fail to show us is how those wings seem to wear off when love is fading fast. As you all know I'm a music lover, and lately I've been listening to the new Maxwell single "Pretty Wings" and every word of this song reigns true to the effects of love and love lost.

If hind sight is 20/20, and love is a fleeting feeling, then where does that leave us, who does that make us?

Maxwell says "I had to set you free, a way for me to see clearly, the way that love can be when you are not with me, I had to leave...if I can't have you, let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around."

We often take lovers and relationships for granted thinking that they'll be there, waiting in the wings until we need them. We tell each other how our love is unconditional and steadfast. But in all honestly how many of us really mean this or even know what it is to love at this level? Very few. We forgive when its convenient, we love when the we feel like it and give up when the going gets tough.

But what happens when our love is morphed into something we no longer recognize, and we begin to dislike the person we've become?

Things happen in relationships that we aren't proud of, that we wish we could take back in an instant, we lie, we hurt each other in ways that some one we call a friend would be incapable of, we cuddle with and tell each other how much we love each other and then in a moment we treat each other worse than we would treat a stranger.

Someone told me about something called an 80/20 rule...that you shouldn't leave some one who is giving you 80% of themselves for someone who will only give you 2o%. In that case I suppose no one ever REALLY gives 100% of themselves.

"I came wrong, you were right, transformed your love into light, baby believe me I'm sorry I told you lies...I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days...I miss you more and more."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we need to take a step back to re-evaluate the situation/relationship in order to take a step forward. Think about that...

Daisy of Love???

2009-06-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

So the other day I was flipping through the channels and of course there was nothing on t.v. so I ended up settling on VH1's "Daisy of Love." I know this is not my normal kind of blog but I can't help myself.

After the show "Flavor of Love" we've become addicted to watching these inevitable train wrecks that are sad excuses for quality t.v. shows, and sadly "Daisy of Love" is no different.

In the past 5 or 6 years VH1 has lost their minds and so have we, but at least there were decent actors who could remotely fool us into thinking that they liked, and could potentially love Flavor Flav, Bret Michael's, New York and Real and Chance, but Daisy is the worst of them all. As I watched I saw her go into a fit because one of her guys decided he wanted to go home, yet; with all the plastic surgery she's had done to her face instead of looking like a human being crying she looked like a frightened wildebeest. I hate to be so harsh but man...I was a little scared.

What's even more disturbing is that her cry was completely unconvincing. These are clearly semi-scripted shows, with very little reality involved and some of the worst "actors" the country has to offer.

It saddens me to see that we have no problem watching other peoples love lives or lack there of like it and even more so to know that there is nothing else on t.v. that will keep us entertained. This show shouldn't be called "Daisy of Love" but instead Rotten Flower of a Joke.

Better to have Loved....?

2009-05-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been hearing people say "it's better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all," but is that really true? Is it better to have gotten involved with some one, become emotionally attached to them, comfortable with them and love them only to watch it fall apart?

Honestly; I'm torn. I'm a firm believer in love and all that it comes with, except when I think about how the pains of a love gone wrong are or can be too much to bear. I begin to think that it's not worth it at all. In relationships we give all we have (if you're like me you do) putting your everything into some one else's happiness and then when the relationship goes sour we're left with a void in our hearts the size of the Grand Canyon!

What are we supposed to do then? I'm learning that love is a fleeting feeling that we can only hope to hold on to. Strangely enough when we're in love we have blinders on and can only see what our hearts tell us to, nothing more or less. Only taking notice of the things that make us happy in the relationship and loving being able to make our men (or women) happy. Love makes us see through rose colored lenses, but when it's over and done should we be happy to have had to experience or angry that we got so involved?

Loving, (the right way) makes us feel like we're floating, it's a high that we get addicted to like crack coursing through our veins. We depend on our boyfriend or girlfriend to supply us with something without a face or a name, but something only they can unleash. And when its gone we go through the same levels of with drawl as recovering addicts.

I think as humans we are all looking for love in some form or another. Searching for the one thing within someone else that makes us feel complete, special, desirable and of course loved. But I'm sure that the dreaded fall from "cloud 9" is something we can all do with out.

They say hind sight is 20/20, and I believe in that 100%. I can't say whether or not I think its better to have loved and known of those feelings, than to go a life time in search of them. Love puts us in a drug induced trance, and all we're guilty of is constantly chasing the high..."It's funny when you're coming in first, but you hope that it lasts" think about it.

It's a Thin Line

2009-04-24T19:10:00.001-07:00

When people say it's a "thin line between love and hate" they may as well have said that there's an invisible line that's crossed and once it's crossed it feel like you took an Olympic sized leap to get there.

Why is that love and hate go hand in hand? What makes us love so hard and deep and then when the tables turn what morphs that love into a seething, rooted, blood-boiling hatred for our used to be lover?

Love is a funny thing, we know that it's supposed to be patient, kind and all that but when does it go from that cloud 9 feeling to mean and spitefulness that seem to take you to the pits of hades (sorry to be so dramatic) but that's how it feels sometimes, right? I guess what I'm trying to ask is why love morphs into its complete opposite without any apparent warning and why is the feeling so intense?

How are we supposed to handle this? Do we remain calm, not do anything, ignoring the problem and feeling in hopes that things will just vanish? Or do we pull a "Jazmin Sullivan" and bust the windows out of their car? Now readers I'm not advising anyone to do anything stupid like actually busting the windows out of some one's car -you will go to jail for that- but we've all heard the song and at times it seems like the right/easiest thing to do.

Love and hate automatically bring out the best and worst in us. Forcing us to go from blissful feelings to being insensitive, uncaring, and down right hurtful. But if ever at any point we loved that person in any way, shape or form, we shouldn't want to hurt them or see them suffer, that's simply our own inner pain, guilt or anger manifesting into life. Isn't it something to realize that in most cases love doesn't rule us the way we think it does, but instead that the anger festering deep within us is what drives us when things don't go our way.

Things we never thought we'd do, say or thought would/could happen to us occur, and we allow them to make us different people. To hurt the ones we know love us and visa versa.

So to say that it's a "thin line between love and hate" almost seems like an understatement. It should really say there's NO line between love and hate, the two happily co-exist until our paths differ and we veer off into the left lane...don't get it? Marinate on it for a while at 350 degrees and if you still come up with nothing leave a comment and let me know so we can talk about it.

Falling In or Out?

2009-03-27T16:26:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately about the ways in which we fall in love, how we behave, how are emotions rule us and then the ways that we begin to fall out of love with the person who we thought we were so connected with.

Is it possible to truly fall out of love with some one OR is it that we have just lost sight of the things that bonded and united us? What makes it feel like we've fallen out of love, or better yet what makes us think that we've fallen in love in the first place?

Love is a funny thing, at one point we crave it, we need it, we think it's the answer to problems of loneliness and at some points, self-loathing. It's a confidence booster, a smile maker, a heart throb and medicine when we feel Tylenol won't cure our ailing hearts.

Yet; when the tables turn and we start to feel like we are falling out of love with our "better half" we become irritable, uninterested, intolerable and flat out mean. But what warrants this change in behavior with a person who we've become so engaged with and spent so much time with this person. Is it a single action or a multitude of things? I guess the question is: what does it take to disconnect with our love?

We know that men and women are so utterly different and we often say that "we just don't understand the opposite sex" (p.s. we shouldn't even try to understand them, they've been a mystery and probably always will) but regardless of what we fail to understand we are simply people are our needs are pretty basic for the most part. We want, patience, friendship and the list goes on, but we have to be mindful that we are in relationships with another breathing, thinking person who has their own needs, opinions and ideas of what they need, want and expect from a relationship.

In saying that we are/have fallen out of love it almost sounds as if we have given up on what we thought would make us last, I don't know if that's true, maybe I'm a little far reaching but knowing that there was something that bound us to this person is enough to make us want to hold on to those feelings. It's understandable that people are ever evolving and growing and that sometimes can throw us for a loop but isn't that the inevitable? Isn't that what we know for sure is that change is a permanent facet of life?

Falling out of love maybe in fact be a natural part of life and love, but it could also be a conscious happening as well. But before we plunge into the fall which ever way it may go in or out of love, be mindful, be thoughtful and be able to place yourself in your loves shoes for a moment and hear exactly what their heart is telling you. Even if it's not what your heart wants to hear...easier said than done? Of course, but that's the way love goes

My Funny Valentine

2009-02-17T16:00:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine decided to share his Valentine's Day Experience with me, and in doing so he gave me, the laugh and motivation, so desperately needed to write this.

Here we go:

He called me and told me that his girlfriend who his is usually having problems with surprised him for the evening with a basket of goodies, in which he described as being like an Easter Basket but the kind you can buy off the side of the road; and a home cooked meal...in the buff!

Now as any one can guess, this is practically every man's fantasy: food and a naked woman! Well as she began to undress, he says that her facial expressions turned from excitement and lust to disdain and discomfort. So being the "gentleman" he is, he offered to cook the meal himself. Upon doing so, his valentine began to cry, and for the life of him he couldn't understand why. Here he is thinking that he was about to get a special treat from the woman that he loves and now that he's the one giving himself the treat she has the nerve to cry?!

Clearly my friend is confused, as he should be. But are we as women just playing the role? Meaning are we pretending like something is wrong when it really isn't just to get some attention? And if this is the case, men why aren't you taking notice to our attention hoarding?

We all know that both sexes are unpredictable and unstable. So in essence neither her behavior or his response shouldn't have been a surprise, but then again, she did take advantage of the situation. By pushing him to the limit and making him feel like he's the one who does the most, always compromises and is the only one apologizing, it would bring anyone to a breaking point.

This time I won't leave you with my thoughts on this particular issue, however; a question. Ladies what do you think is going on with her and how do you feel about his reaction?

Forgive and Forget

2009-01-09T13:56:00.000-08:00

Forgive and forget?! Why do people always tell us that? Like its a simple thing to forgive some one for wronging you, hurting your feelings or just plain old letting you down.

Today a friend of mine told me that she didn't understand how I was able to be so forgiving of people. I told her that it's not easy to say you forgive some one, it's a task in its self. It takes practice, love and patience. Often times we forget that loving someone is a risk and in risks we have no real control over what happens. Also we have to be mindful that forgiveness takes forethought.

Trust me, forgiving someone who I KNOW has hurt me is definitely hard to do. But you have to make a conscious choice to forgive and move forward. If someone says their sorry and you say you forgive them; then you have to be done with it, move on and let it go. When you say you forgive its almost like signing a contract between the two of you.

For example: When you make a mistake, and you apologize you are hoping that the other person has enough compassion to whole-heartedly forgive you and be able to move forward. So when your lover (or any other person for that matter) does you wrong accept their apology and let it go. Again, I have to say that you don't have to forget about what happened but if they say their sorry find it in your self to (I hate to say this but) "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," and forgive them.

Forgiving means that you aren't constantly bringing up the incident, reminding them of how they hurt you, or trying to make them feel bad about what they did. It means pushing it to the back of your mind, doing your best NOT to remember it and doing your best to LET IT GO! I know this can be as hard as spear fishing but with practice it's not impossible.

It takes a big person to admit they were wrong and an even bigger person to accept that apology and try to re-gain some kind of normalcy in the relationship.

You know I'm an avid Dr.Phil watcher and I believe him when he says that every relationship needs a hero, so put on your colorful tights and tighten your cape!!!

Undecided and Indecisive

2009-01-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

After a conversation with my sexy, juicy and emotionally sporadic friend (she made me say that); it has come to my attention that we are all completely spastic!

Brace yourself, this is going to be a long one.

About eight months ago she ended an extremely long relationship with her high school sweetheart and quickly entered into a new whirlwind romance with a man who seemed to sweep her off her feet (as most southern gentlemen do). Almost immediately their new feelings blossomed and she was ready to pick up her life and move to another state to pursue her new found love. He read her thoughts, and seemingly catered to her every romantic whim, things appeared to be going in the right direction for once. She said "I knew what it was like to be a bad relationship and so did he, so neither of us wanted to continue that cycle." After moving herself practically across the country, the two moved in together and things took an awkward turn.

How come we have such high and unreasonable expectations for our lovers and not for our selves? What happens to make us change our minds and move out of the "honeymoon phase" and into a place of indecisiveness and uncertainty? Why aren't we able to make a decision and stick with it long enough to see what the outcome of a situation is?

When we really have time to think about things and reality begins to sink in, we are able to see that we may have been too hasty with our thinking and decision making and could have possibly made a mistake. Often times we are our own worst enemy. We over think, over process and over analyze everything to the max, pushing our emotional capacity to the brim. Love is uncertain and not promising on any level, we say one thing and do another, so in essence there is no way to even to pretend to guess what another person will make us feel for what they would do.

I feel as though we have to know exactly what we want out of love and relationships. (Laughing) Even though the possibility of know what we DO want is out weighed heavily by being certain of what we DON'T want. With that being said what does it take to be completely decided on something? What would make us feel secure enough in our relationship to stay, wait it out and see where our love takes us?

There are so many options in life, that we have problems making decisions; we don't know whether to go left or right, up or down or just go straight down the middle. So how in the heck are we supposed to know if we've made the right decision?

The answer here is simple...there is no right answer. We have to be secure enough to know what we want (or pretend to be), know that love is enough and be willing to take the road less traveled. Knowing everything is not what we REALLY want.

Remember that ignorance is bliss and uncertainty is sometimes the best kind of certain.

Get Along With You

2008-12-29T17:43:00.000-08:00

How is it that we end up loving the unlovable?

What about him/her makes your heart skip a few beats when they say your name even though we know it doesn't hold the depth of love you would like it to? What about you makes you deniable, "forced to roam this planet, sadly, lonely like some used Brigitte?" Nothing. There are some people who don't want to be loved, they become unlovable.

We turn ourselves inside out to figure out if it was something we did wrong, questioning our habits and dissecting every little incident we can think of. When some one we feel so deeply for rejects us it seems to cause an emotional avalanche. Why does this person have so much power over us? We aimlessly ask "was it I loved you poorly" walking away wounded and with our hearts screaming "why not me, try me?"

If he (she) loves you, then you shouldn't have to keep going back to beg them to come back to you. If you're doing all you can to keep them happy, and making sure you're satisfied, then you can't hold on to some one who doesn't want to be held. It's frustrating to feel as though you're loving as hard and as deep as you can but it still goes unnoticed and unappreciated; but luckily there is an option: speak your piece or leave.

Sometimes we psych ourselves into thinking that we're the problem no matter what, if that's the case, then we have to be able to see the constants in our relationships if each time you get into a relationship it starts through a friend, or if you meet a bar and each time it ends badly. You may want to think about finding some one in a different location. If you're a "jump head first" kinda person you should focus on calming down and taking your time with the new love interest. Just a few suggestions!

But remember, people treat you the way you teach them to treat you. So if you're trying to get along, so will they!

Tele-Communication?

2008-12-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

The other day I was talking to a good friend of mine, as she told me about a rather unique moment that took place in her love life. She and her new boyfriend whom she had been seeing off and on for the last few years broke up through a text message!

Yep! I said it, a text message!

Now I am fully aware that this is the digital age and that people are finding new and more evasive ways to end relationships, and choosing not to have the courage to sit down face to face and discuss the details of their relationship. But seriously this takes the cake. It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City, where "Burger" one of Carries boyfriends broke up with her through a post it note. She was appalled, as she should have been.

How is it that we can say that we are so dedicated to some one, we can love them so deeply and spend such enormous chunks of time with them, and still not have enough respect to end the relationship with decency and respect?

In getting ourselves into relationships we enter into an unspoken contract so to speak. We put ourselves in a position to where we are some what responsible for the other person's emotions. I don't mean that we should sacrifice our own well being and emotional stability for our partner but that we should be mindful of what and how we say things. Delivery is the key. To text some one that we supposedly care about that we no longer share the same feelings is basically a slap in the face, on both cheeks!

In some circumstances a break up over the phone is the only way to go i.e. long distance; but that's the only excuse for this kind of end to a relationship. Have enough respect to at least allow the person to see the sincerity in your voice and be able to see your face. Often times we seek closure through these avenues.

Leaving a post-it, sending an e-mail or text message is the wrong way to go about this totally. It's unfathomable to think that people actually think this is OK, seriously, where are they doing this at??

Texting a break-up is like leaving money on the night stand, it cheapens whatever it is you and your partner shared and if you love each other or care about each other even a little bit don't pimp out your feelings.

The Green-eyed Monster

2008-11-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

As women we are subject to totally different kinds of pressures than men, so ladies why is it that we are SO petty, hateful, jealous and down right cruel? How come we have such hard times being happy for each other? Why are we so spiteful?

As readership grows more and more ladies come with various topics they would like to be discussed, this being one of them, what is our problem with seeing each other happy? Clearly we know that misery LOVES company and that should be no secret, but why does it bother us so badly to see our sister-friends doing well.

Women are the most catty people, for instance if we see a nice looking man who appears to have it together we want him, but the second we see a woman come to his side we have to tear her to shreds with criticism. Could it be that we're not looking to criticize her but our own shortcomings? And why can't she be happy and enjoy a relationship? Further more, how come we have to go after what does NOT belong to us? If a man tells you, or you find out that he's in a relationship, that should be it, back away and walk off. But instead we flirt, finagle and finesse our way into his good graces and when he refuses to leave his girl, we (as in you) have the nerve to get mad and want to tell. We'll never reach any kind of happiness this way, how can we want/expect for some one to respect our relationship when we won't do the same?

This pettiness isn't limited to the lack of respect for relationships but in friendships as well, we forget that it's a two-way street. Loyalty is important, but yet again we find ways to cut ties in order to sever a friendship, over virtually nothing. We may not even need a reason other than, she didn't speak to me. Now over time it's understandable where the problem is but to be upset over something like this happening once...get real; but several times, now we have a valid argument! We argue over boys, we fight over clothes and will scratch and claw each other to the ground for what we want or THINK is ours.

Any kind of "friends" that we have would not take us on emotional-rollercoasters on the daily, real friends want to see us succeding, happy and loved.

Realistically this is our problem: we want respect but refuse to give it, we want what we can't have just because we can't have it and we hurt each other because we're really the ones hurting. If we took the time to evaluate our own lives and circumstances, the issue wouldn't be worth the drama.

It's human nature to want what we can't have, but we shouldn't take it from each other to appease our own insatiable appetites.

Marinate on this: "When I look at you, I see myself. If my eyes are unable to see you as my sister, it is because my own vision is blurred. And if that be so, then it is I who need you either because I do not understand who you are, my Sister, or because I need you to help me Understand who I am." Lillian P. Benbow

Just like Candy

2008-11-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

Has anyone else noticed that we compare love and relationships to sweets. Hence, the songs Candy Rain by Soul For Real and Candy by Cameo. What about love makes us think of something sweet and tasty?

"It's like candy, I can feel it when you walk, even when you talk, it takes over me...I wanna know can you feel it too, the way I do. The stuff is starting now, its the same feeling, I always seem to get around you." This is the way love is supposed to feel. It's supposed to make us feel intoxicated, full and overwhelmed with affection and emotion.

In love do you ever dream of, candy coated rain drops? Don't laugh, this is serious! When we think of love, isn't this the way we think? We think of bouquets of flowers, hugs and kisses (the chocolate one's too), teddy bears, holding hands and all the other mushy stuff that we want boxed up with our love.

Yet; some where in between work and school, family, friends and our own selfishness we loose these warm fuzzies that we had when our love began. Whether it be from petty misunderstandings to blow-out arguments, the fun that we shared in love begins to fade and we become serious, defensive and annoyed with each other, and sadly that love gets buried underneath it all.

Think about it, we give so much of ourselves, if our lovers asked for the moon, wouldn't we make a call to NASA? Be honest with yourself for a minute...we would. If we truly love the way we think we do, why aren't we dreaming of candy coated rain drops, we say that we never thought we'd find that perfect person, but when their in our grasp, we let go, instead of fighting for what our heart says is right.

Candy rain sounds so nice (I know its corny), if it rained chocolate kisses we'd all be happy campers. "My love, do you ever dream of, candy coated raindrops? You're the same, you're my candy rain."

Keepin It On the LOW

2008-11-12T18:41:00.000-08:00

Recently I happened upon a situation that I felt needed to be addressed. This is a touchy subject so put your heart on the shelf momentarily. More and more our society is less critical and judgemental than before, so why is it that men still feel the need to hide their true sexuality from women, from people in general?

HIV/AIDS has bought a brand new pair of Nike's and is running rapid among our generation. This is a big deal! Men if you're homosexual it can be understood that it may be embarrassing to confess such a personal thing, but those who love you, I mean really love you will be able to accept you. The fact of the matter is that if we are saying we love someone we have to love them enough to understand that people are just that, people. We fall short of expectations all the time.

For those who are unfamiliar with the term "down low" its a word used to describe men who by day lead a heterosexual life, and behind closed doors have sexual relationships with men. Men doing this (not to say women aren't doing the same) are putting their loved ones at risk. If you love the woman you're with you owe it to her to give her a choice in the matter.

How is it that we've come to such a point that we think its better to hurt someone rather than protect them. AIDS is no laughing matter and shedding some light on the issue is a must. More AIDS cases are contracted through anal-sex than any other sexual contact, because of tears around the anus.

This isn't meant to be derogatory toward anyone, but a slap in the face, to hopefully make us wake up and see that we are destroying ourselves.

He Thinks I'm Sexy When...?

2008-11-10T09:05:00.000-08:00

We wake up in the morning smelly breath, slobber running down the side of our cheeks with ugly sleep grimaces plastered on our faces (or is this just me?) We all know that everyday isn't a good day as far as looks go, but when exactly does who we are turn into the most appealing quality we have?

An article in Glamour magazine, by Genevieve Fields explains when our men think we're the sexiest. The most popular response is of course eye contact and a smile. But women we should have this down pact by now. We know that making a little eye contact is all you need to get his attention from across the room.

Second she says they find us attractive when we use our signature girly body language. Duh! We know what that is, flinging our hair, batting our eyes (but please try not to do this in excess, we don't want him thinking you have a twitch), arching your back toward him, the old "LL Cool J" lip-lick and smelling like heaven helps too.

Next, is something that a lot of women may be surprised to find out...real men, like real women. Women with curves, hips and a healthy appetite. So eat up ladies, quit ordering the salad when you go out to eat and get some meat on your plate (well except if your a vegan...Boca meat also works). Either way it goes just eat for goodness sake!

This one shouldn't be a surprise at all, it's hormonal. Man can sense when we are ovulating, our skin sends our pheromones that tell seem to drive them crazy. In case you don't know, we ovulate two weeks prior to our cycles.

And lastly, its a given, he finds you the sexiest when you're the one woman that he loves.

Happy Obama Day

2008-11-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

Thank you for voting, for making a change in the world, for exercising your right and privilege. Yesterday we made history, today we see it through...HAPPY OBAMA DAY!!!

Break up, to Make up

2008-10-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

A friend was talking about her relationship, all of the turmoil, ups and downs, waves of happiness and pains of love. As we dived deeper and deeper into conversation, a question came to me: do we argue, fuss and fight, in order to make up?

Do we break up, just to make up? "First you love me, then you hate me...that's a game for fool's," or is it?

Sadly some readers are too young to know who the Stylistics are or the greatness of Al Green but, these guys are making some great points (you really should youtube these guys). All that breaking up to make up is exhausting, and unnecessary. If we love each other so completely then why put one another through so much pain and drama?

Al Green said it best, "why do people break up, turn around and make up"? Is this our sick way of bringing the spice back into troubled relationships? Or are we doing this to see how deep our partners love is for us? Surely this can't be the way we work through our problems?

What do we do when every other day we're breaking up? How do we keep things feeling light even they can be so heavy?

We tend to run from our problems instead of facing them head on. Leaving a situation won't better it, it just becomes stagnant and if and when you decide to go back it will be just as you left it, in peril.

We have to learn to fight for what we know is solid. Breaking up is just like a Tylenol; it only offers temporary relief. Will we keep leaving every meaningful relationship until we find someone who is willing to put up with us on our terms? No, love is about compromise about bending and working toward a specific goal TOGETHER, what ever that may be.

Break-ups obviously hurt, but we have to learn that in order to get something we have to give something, and in order something to be something we have to endure somethings. We can't build brick houses on sand, there has to be a strong foundation.

With that said my dears, head to the local brick yard and start mapping the layout of your dream houses!!!

Ba-Rock the VOTE!!

2008-10-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Stop reading for a few minutes, find your car keys, get in the car and GO VOTE!!

Regardless of who you vote for, it's your right and privilege!!!

If you don't VOTE, you can't COMPLAIN. VOTE OR DIE...Ba-Rock the VOTE people!!!!

Trading Places

2008-10-29T08:25:00.000-07:00

What if women, paid for everything, opened doors, pulled out chairs and totally took on the role of being the man? Would the metro-sexual men of 2008 be able to handle such a lady?

My guess is probably not. Men say they want an independent woman, but, there is a big difference and a fine line, between a woman who is able to take care of herself and one who ends up emasculating her partner.

Ladies, we have a tendency to either be totally independent or completely dependent, sadly we fail to find the middle ground.

It's alright to be independent and pay your own way (Ms.Independent), but we have to be careful not to step on our men's toes. Not to say that we can't or shouldn't split the bill or pay it in full, but to ask any ONE person to pay for everything ALL the time is too much.

There are other ways to trade places with your beau without causing turmoil, but those kinds of things are better handled in the boudoir!

Poetry In the Name of Love

2008-10-28T09:04:00.001-07:00

I have decided to post a few poems froma good friend of mine. As they relate to my Goddess Gab, feel free to leave comments and let us know what you think of her work!! Here is the first one by Ms. Britaine Bell

When I Met You
02.12.08

A crush was the feeling at first
Until past lovers faded
And depression vanishedInto timeless moments of conversation
Every hour, every day
Enhanced one’s memory about each other
Expressing evolved emotions
Not only through voice
But, also through sharing endless kisses and hugs
Spending quality time any where thought of
Receiving continuous messages
Acknowledging future passages
Ready to eliminate excessive baggage
Which would determine
The relationship we would soon manage

As our eyes compared
Innocence was portrayed in every stare
Imagining that we could be the perfect pair

Gullible, is how I was perceived
By those of concern
Not realizing skeletons could be hidden
And our attraction would be forbidden
And misleading to the public eye
And I would have to listen to your lies
Which is something we both know I despise
Then, my main focus would be to
Demand you to rid all ties With someone who probably relies
On your presence as much as I…do

But, I refused to accept that point of view
Because “never will I hurt you,” is what you said
Which allowed my feelings to run ahead
Without thinking of any regret

I used to love to listen to your
Voice whisper in my ear
As you held me close
So close, I could hear
Our hearts beat…Our heats beat
So clearI pushed back, out of fear
Because I knew deeper feelings were near
And I couldn’t risk losing anymore tears
Over someone who probably wouldn’t last
At least that’s what I thought
Because I evaluated your past…love
Who, you seem to get over so fast
But, I understood your circumstances
That there just wasn’t any more romance

I can't give you the whole poem, this is just enough to tease your taste buds!

Britaine’ D. Bell

Down Here In Hell

2008-10-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

In love we sometimes find ourselves wishing that things were perfect, but, on the odd chance relationships could be perfect, what would we do? If we actually take the time to think about things realistically we would realize that if relationships were perfect what would we complain about, and what would end up being the next level that we take things to?

If love was a blissful heaven, where would that leave us? How would we function? Where would the excitement be? Would there even be any excitement? Or is a love, that is occasionally flawed, a happier situation?

People love it when we make mistakes, so that way they have something to be upset about, they want a reason to complain. Think about how we get mad over almost nothing, how the smallest, pettiest things can set us off, and into a rampage.

If you're old enough to read this then you're old enough to know that relationships won't always exude perfection. We can't control what our lovers do and say, we can only know that they are human and make mistakes, they fall short of our expectations as I'm sure we've fallen short of theirs.

If ever we think of saving ourselves and running for the hills each time something goes wrong, what does that say about our dedication and the feelings that we say we have for each other? (On the one hand we have to admit that it does make perfect sense to want to remove ourselves from a bad situation)

Words without pain would leave us nothing left to say...(not that I agree with this) but is this how we actually think? If he/she loves me then they wouldn't hurt me? The reality is that we aren't intentionally trying to hurt each other (I hope). Love brings things out of us that may have been dormant before. My Grandfather once told me "If you're not crazy, you're not in love" so loving a person makes us do some outlandish things, say what we often don't mean and love in a way that can be overwhelming.

Instead of saving ourselves, think about how dull life was before love and relationships...when we think of saving ourselves, we don't because we know that we'd rather work things out down here in hell with you!

If I Were A Boy

2008-10-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

Usually I do my best to keep from male bashing but after listening to the new Beyonce' song I have to agree with her that boys just don't understand, how it feels to be us and the things that we go through to catch their eye and maintain relationships.

If I were a boy, I would do everything I could to keep the one I KNOW loves me by my side and happy. Not saying men should bend over backwards but they should be just as accommodating as they expect us to be.

What makes it OK for men to get away with everything and we just discount it as "boys will be boys"? Double standards are going to be the end of monogamy. Men know they can get away with more, so they do. They stay out late, party all night without calling, give us half-hearted answers and always have an alibi when their story doesn't add up.

Ladies often find themselves trying to mimic they boys, but girls, here is where the problem lies...we have to realize we are not them. We just aren't built that way. Which is why we don't pee standing up.

Beyonce' should make us realize that even though sometimes we think we can go tit-for-tat with the fellas we really can't. Why is it that men can have the most dedicated, loving and supportive woman by their side and still mistreat us? Why can't they see what it takes for us to love so completely?

Men have no idea how much work goes into being us...just getting dressed is a task in its self. Curling irons, moisturizer, make-up, cute shoes, handbags, matching belts, earrings, waxing, plucking, tweezing, shaving, salon's and way too many other things involved in the maintenance of being a women; that most men take for granted. They take it for granted because they just roll out of bed throw on anything, look any kind of way and STILL a woman manages to find them attractive.

She's (Beyonce') right in saying most of the time they don't listen and for the most part they don't understand what it feels like to love selflessly. What does it take for men to love completely, unconditionally and without restriction? The world may never know.

If I were a boy, I would make sure she understood how deep my love ran, try to listen to her desires, be supportive, encouraging, assertive but not overbearing, tell her I love her every chance I got and most importantly try hard to understand that it can not be easy to love some one like me.

But all the ifs in the world wouldn't matter...I'm just a girl!

Ms. Independent

2008-10-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ladies, ladies, ladies after listening to the new Ne-Yo song "She's Got Her Own" I feel the need to congratulate those of us who are doing our thing. And when I say doing our thing I mean handling your business and taking care of your self. Women who are emotionally stable (because we tend to be erratic), financially sound and working to ensure that we keep things that way.

Even though I KNOW we aren't taking on tasks to please our men, clearly they find it attractive. Being able to take care of your self is a wonderful thing, because it shows him and the world that you're reliable, self-sufficient and that if he needed you, you could come through in a clutch. A woman about her business definitely says a lot. Yet most importantly it says that we have drive, ambition and good sense.

Finally we have a song giving us credit for being what we have always been: the pooh (you know what I mean)! It's good to know that for the first time in a long time we're not being degraded, talked about or called out of our names for the sake of entertainment. But; instead a song that is encouraging and rewarding!

"She got her own thing, that's why I love her..." On a side note, if this is you, your boo loves you because your able to be two things that most men today desire: the loving lady by his side and independent.

So with that said ladies pat your self on the back, hi-five your girls, continue the good work and KEEP being the DIVA's you already are!!

Love Lockdown

2008-10-01T13:35:00.001-07:00

A few days ago, my honey told me about a song by Kanye West called "Love Lockdown." The title alone was enough to make me youtube (youtube.com) the song. After listening, the question came to me...do we sub-consciously think of love as prison sentence?

More than likely this is true. Both men and women think it difficult to see love and relationships as a vacation of the heart and soul, instead it is viewed as a term in Sin-Sing! What is that about? What makes us feel love is a prison?

We should be well aware that love is not a choice but, maintaining a relationship most definitely is. It's clear that we have no choice as to who it is we love, when our heart says now then that's it; we can either hit the pavement full speed or lay back, relax and let the cosmos do their thing.

It's understood that love is a powerful emotion, it can end up taking over every aspect of our lives. Loving a person the way we WANT to is just as important as loving them the way they feel they want to be loved. "I'm not loving you, way I wanted to...see I had to go, see I had to move."

He makes good points but, if we lock our love up then what? What is the next emotion? How can you ever have a relationship if you're afraid? No doubt about it, love is a primal feeling, but how can we keep on being who we are and continue to grow with the person that we love? We can't.

The primal calls of love make it so that we grow together, we change together and end up pulling away from the people we were at the start of the relationship, but melting into one person, a team. We don't do this on purpose, it just happens. Love calls, we answer, it's as simple as that.

Relationships are voluntary, love is not. You can't help who you love...you can help how you love. Set your love free, don't lock it down!

Love Limbo

2008-09-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

We've all heard of what Limbo is...for those who haven't, Limbo is the place where the soul was said to go when after death. If the family paid enough money and prayed hard, you're soul would go to heaven. But; while waiting on family to pay admittance into the pearly gates, you waited in Limbo, the weigh station between heaven and hell! Now with that lengthy explanation out of the way: What do you do when your relationship goes into "Love Limbo"?

After a certain amount of time being spent learning and loving each other we come to a point of complacency. Where we're either so comfortable or so miserable that we are unable to move forward. How do we get to this point, but more importantly how do we get out of this zombie like state? Is it a bad thing to be so comfortable with some one? How do you know when you're in Love Limbo?

Since when did complacency become the norm in relationships? In most cases people are un-happy but unable to cut loose for one reason: security! Even though the thought of loving for security is enough to make you sick, it is a reality. People are scared to death of the unknown, like being single is a fatal abyss that we never recover from. But wouldn't we rather be unattached and happy than be a couple and despondent? When do we make up our minds to love half-heatedly?

Love can be both heaven and hell in the same instance. But how do you know when it's time to step up or step out? Security is an important thing; we unconsciously enter relationships for that feeling alone. Secretly praying for that person to love us enough to allow us to be ourselves and protect us from all that could potentially bring us down. The feeling that we are chasing is nothing short of a miracle. Having a person hold you and you feel safe, kiss you and be intoxicated is a heavenly high that we are eternally in search of.

Limbo can be one of the hardest places to pull a relationship out of. If for nothing else the thought alone will be a full time task. Yet; like the good Dr. Phil says "every relationship needs a hero, are you willing to be that?" Both people in the relationship have to want to save it bad enough to put aside whatever the problem is then figure out what their next move should be. Living in mediocrity should never be an option in love, as some one close to me once said: we should never allow ourselves to settle for what we can get, rather than what we want or deserve.

Pay your way out of purgatory people and decide whether or not to ascend or descend, but for the record hell isn't the place for me, or any where else without some A/C!! ;)

What Does He Really Want??

2008-09-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

As I flipped through the pages of my favorite magazine (as I often do). I read an article that claimed to know what men REALLY want in relationships.

The problem with the article was that it left too much to be determined by the reader. How can we accurately give advice about what our men want from us when we as women have no clue? The obvious truth is that we don't always know what we want either.

The reason that this writer thinks that men have such a hard time opening up to us is because we (women) have the tendency to be controlling. When men do get seriously involved they fear losing themselves in the black hole that love can sometimes be. But we have to admit that the thought of loving some one as completely as we would like can be as frightening as a car accident!

But are we afraid of losing ourselves and becoming "Empty" or are we afraid of losing freedoms that we've come accustomed to in our single lives? For the most part we over analyze things to the max, when in reality we already have clear cut ideas of what we (both men and women) want.

We should stop trying to guess what it is that our partner wants from us and instead do the obvious and ASK!

Realistically men want the basics: honesty, patience, friendship, good loving, support, space, togetherness and of course love. Or as my darling put it "men want an understanding best friend minus the nagging."

Or is old saying true, men are from Mars and women are from Venus (because all Goddesses hail from there), or are we really making molehills into mountains?

Well what are you waiting for? Go ask him!

Empty

2008-09-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

In recent conversations with myself (don't act like you don't talk to yourself) and others, I've come to realize that in relationships we almost always give a great deal of ourselves and as slip into love sometimes we fall out of who we are.

How is it that we come into relationships knowing full well what we will tolerate, what we can handle, what we need, what we want, what we plan on bringing to the table and most importantly we know who we are. So when exactly do we forget who we are and end up conforming for our lover?

Time after time we tell our friends and family that what we don't want in love and what we refuse to deal with but then when we find "the one" we toss all of that out of the window and become what we think they need and want. How come it's so easy to do away with who we are, and become someone else?

I understand that in relationships we all end up compromising to some extent but where do we draw the line? Who says when enough is enough? And when you change, does your partner change too? How come they don't notice that our love is so deep that we've molded into who we know they dream of?

Relationships are funny like that, they ultimately end up showing us one of two things:that we love ourselves or that we have no idea who we are. Sadly, by the time we end up seeing that we haven't a clue who we are, it's too late. Loving some one completely means giving all of yourself and being able inhale who they are as well.

In rare occasions we stumble across some one that we can relate to so many different ways that we don't realize that we have fallen in love with our better halves. We often fail to notice all the ways that a true love puts a haze over our eyes and in the blink of one, we've fallen in love with our best friend. So it's not all the time that being empty in one way, means we won't be full to the brim in another.

How empty of me...to be so full of YOU?

Say What You Have to Say

2008-09-17T15:24:00.001-07:00

Sometimes in relationships we find our selves holding our tongues and not saying what we really NEED to say. Why torture your self any longer? People it is 2008, time to stop keeping it all inside and speak your mind...Say What You Have to Say!

Unless you're dating a psychic there's no way for your lover to know what your thinking. And we all know how easy it is to find those?!

How come we find it so difficult to just open our mouths and speak exactly what we are feeling? And when we do work up the gumption to say what's on our minds how come we have to finagle and finesse our way into it? How come we just can't speak our thoughts clearly, precisely, and compassionately?

It is already hard enough to be forthcoming with our emotions. Trust me I know, but its even harder to tell some else how we feel when we're certain they won't understand. You should know that while you are at home wallowing in misery or upset for whatever reason, your partner is off some where happy, smiling and living their lives with no quips.

No one can know how to make you happy or what bothers you without you telling them. So take whatever avenue you deem necessary to get your point across, write a letter, send an e-mail, a text message or even leave a voicemail. We often assume that people know how we feel; but they don't so you need to be able to give a voice to those thoughts and feelings so that you're not harboring them and driving yourself over a mental cliff.

It's 2008, there is no need to walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Just say what you have to say, speak your piece and trust that you'll feel better once you do (once you speak your mind you have to be able to let it go)!

It's like therapy, but the best kind of there is...the kind that's FREE!!!!!

The Art of Foreplay

2008-09-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

While reading one of my favorite magazines and stumbled across an article giving out tips on how to seduce your man and scents that will drive him absolutely bananas! Alright people buckle your seat belt because this ride may get a little bumpy!

The first thing it said was that women should allow ourselves to be seen Au natural for a few minutes before we get close enough to kiss. Now this is something that the majority of women have a problem doing. We are so self-conscious about our bodies and what our men think of us. It's easy to see how an eye full can add more fuel to the fire!

Surprisingly you should know that the smallest compliments are the ones that mean the most.

Now for men, a great way to turn your lady on is to kiss her, slowly. We are affectionate and love the idea of having one of those movie kisses (ladies you know the kind that makes you kick your leg up). Men take your time and kiss us like you mean it.

However; it was shocking to hear that men like to have their "cut lines" licked (a cut line is the line that defines your muscles, like the one that separates your legs from your upper body)? Guys weigh in here and let me know what you think about that, we need to know what you do like?

Smells that entice both men and women alike are the scents of: lavender, chocolate, oysters, peaches and coconut.

Yet, the question still looms: what does it take to turn you on?

This 1's For the Boyz

2008-09-15T15:41:00.001-07:00

Recently a friend told me one of the most disturbing stories, I've heard in a long while and you know it's about SEX!!!

Here we are sitting in my living room having a meaningless conversation about nothing at all when she blurts out:"OMG, I just thought about the first time a guy...you know, went down on me" immediately I die of laughter, because I already know this is going to be one for the books! She continues to tell me about the "worst thing that has ever happened to her 'girlfriend' "(that's my word for the female anatomy-work with me here people). And because I'm sure that it's happened to almost every sexually active woman on earth...I decided to share it with you!

So here goes...she said that in her late teens she decided to let an eager boyfriend of the time give her some "special treatment" so she laid down, tried her hardest to relax and just enjoy. Surprisingly he had NO CLUE, as to what he was doing. He gnawed at her "girlfriend" in the worst possible way! Like she was a New York Strip and he hadn't eaten in days. It was horrible!!!

How can we help our lovers to learn to successfully please us? What do you say to encourage them, without offending them to the point where they never want to venture back into our most sensitive area? It's such a touchy subject to approach in a relationship.

Really none of us know how to please each other...we just do what we THINK we would like done to us. We all know how difficult it can be to even muster up enough courage to go "there" with someone, so it's easy to see how these conversations can be misunderstood. I think the best way to tell your partner that you like what's happening in the sack is to talk to them. But if in the rare case that you hate what's going on...be creative in your confession, make a list of your favorite places to be fondled. Be sure to keep the things you don't like off your list, so there's no confusion.

But fellas that area is sensitive on us too, it's not as tough as nails, so teeth probably aren't a good thing! You kind of have to think of it as your favorite candy, when you have your favorite candy you don't want to hurry and gobble it up, you want to savor and taste it. Take your time and play with it, because in reality, it's your toy. You have to play and spend a little time with it to figure out what makes it "tick".

Now boy's I know by now, most of you should be professionals at this, but I'm sure the lady in your life would appreciate the extra attention. I'm sure there's a way for you both to turn her New York Strip into a Fillet Mignon!!!

Love is Undefined

2008-09-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you've found some one who makes you smile, some one who puts the joy in your heart and the laughter in your spirit something will go wrong to test that love...its the envitable.

Today's relationships are all about a fast fix, we are accustomed to the "drive-thru" life style...but to our dismay love and life are not like Burger King you can't have everything your way. If even for a minute things go sour, our flight or fight instincts kick in and we're ready to kick out.

What kind of love would make you stay in a situation that seems doomed...I guess I'm asking...WHAT IS LOVE?

How do we know love when we see or feel it? And how come when its knocking down our door we ignore it and crank up the volume on life?

If we are marrying for love then how come when we have it in our hands we're STILL not satisfied? How come when we do actually posess the one thing that is sought out universaly, we aren't holding on to it for dear life?

Why is it that we don't know love until it walks out of our lives? What does it take for us to see what has been right in front of our faces? And when we have a tight clutch on love we're still asking for more? When things seem to be perfect we find a way to complain, becuase too much is never enough. Love takes so much energy, so much work, and way more paitence than we are willing to give. Yet; we expect nothing short of a miracle from our partners.

I think that the kind of love that we are all secretly hoping for is a true fairytale. Secretly we are looking for some one to sweep us off our feet, a lover, a confidant, a spiritual vortex, a mirror...a soul mate! Sadly that will never happen if our first thought is to flee. How do you think our grandparents have been married for 40 and 50 years? They stuck it out and instead of simply just saying to hell with one another, they decided to wait out the storm for a sunny day.

I know there is really no way to define what love really is, on a count of the fact that we all think of love in very different ways. But one thing that I know for sure is that love should be gripping, warm, affectionate, bold, and quiet, promising, patient, understanding, thoughtful, appreciative...and most importantly; true love is unconditional!!!

Love, is too many things to only be defined with a simple noun or verb. Let's just leave it as this, Love is......(fill in the blank)

The Truth, About the Truth

2008-09-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

Like every other female in relationships I want to be told the "truth". I want an honest, up-front and forthcoming relationship...or at least that's what I say! So why is it that when placed in situations where we can be totally honest, we end up giving the official "re-mix" of the truth?

How much of the truth should we tell? I've heard over and over that when asking for the truth, we're really asking for something that we don't want. We (women and men) snoop through e-mails, text messages, and call logs just to see what we're secretly hoping isn't there, why? Every one has their reasons for lying in relationships, whether its because we're afraid of how our significant other could react or we're doing something that could bring our relationship to its demise. Either way...we're lying and in some cases without realizing that we are poisoning our relationship.

What most have a hard time understanding, is that when we do tell the truth, how come things don't get any better, how come we're not positively re-enforced for being honest? It almost makes you want to keep lying. Being 100% honest with a person is a hard thing to do, especially if you're afraid of how the person you love is going to respond. It's like telling someone you have herpes and hoping that they're not ready to kill you and tell everyone else...OK so maybe that's not the best example but you get my drift?!?

Honestly, I don't think that anyone REALLY wants to know the truth. I think we just tell ourselves that as a way to ease our minds. You could know a person for your whole life and one thing could change that would make you question your relationship. So even when we THINK we know the truth...we really don't. We only know what that person is allowing us to see; we know their version of the truth. Honesty isn't like walking and talking, it doesn't come natural to the masses, its something that we have to choose to do. We lie to cover up indiscretions, hide bad habits, to push our past even further behind us, to forget, and to keep from hurting the one person we truly love (because if you tell a lie long enough you start to believe it) but in the end the lies don't help, they just perpetuate the problem and make it worse.

You would think that after telling lies on top of lies we would run out of material, we would see the damage being done,but one lie just calls for another lie. And ironically we can't understand why no one believes us...

When you're in a relationship -a serious one at least- you have to trust your lover, your boo, your boy-toy, boyfriend, or husband with your emotions, thoughts and secrets (and loving them enough to be honest could help too). And in return they have to love you enough NOT to use those faults and short-comings against you. Now realistically who do you know that is capable of a love that deep, that will protect your heart after you've bruised theirs...?

And that dear friends is the honest to goodness Truth About the Truth... now, ain't that the truth!!!